No matter how much it was necessary, moving through a divorce is always stressful. It takes its toll on those getting divorced as well as their loved ones. Once you’re divorced, there are still some loose ends to tie up.
9 Essential Steps To Take Now That You’re Divorced
We know the steps leading up to the divorce seemed never-ending, and there’s a temptation to just cross your fingers and hope all will be well. However, paying attention to these essential steps will ease the way forward into the next chapter of your life.
Get the emotional support you need
If you haven’t already done so, we highly recommend seeking support from a therapist or spiritual counselor. This is even more important if you have children – including adult children! Getting the support you need, and ensuring your children have the support they need, helps to unwind any residual emotional damage.
By and large, when the anger recedes, grief is the most prevalent emotion associated with divorce. People grieve the loss of the marriage they dreamed of, the loss of future dreams, the intact family they hoped to provide for their children, and the loss of any property, assets, or possessions that held sentimental value. This loss must be tended to, or it can cause residual issues later on.
Review your marital settlement agreement
Some individuals and couples quickly and efficiently divide up their assets, properties, titles, accounts, etc., without a moment to waste. Others drag their heels. If your ex-spouse was against the divorce, reluctant to sign divorce papers, or dragged their heels leading up to the final document filing, prepare for a similar experience after you’re divorced.
Make a concise summary of your marital settlement agreement, so you have a one-page version of what needs to happen. This includes things like:
- Dividing account totals
- Closing joint accounts in alignment with the divorce agreement
- Transferring/retitling ownership of property, cars, toys, and other relevant assets to the appropriate person
Make a realistic timeline for when these things should happen in order of priority, and then start making your way down the list.
If your ex-spouse doesn’t do what they’re supposed to, contact the family law court or your divorce mediation lawyer to begin filing the paperwork necessary to file a motion for enforcement, which takes all of the responsibility from your shoulders.
Create clear and detailed co-parenting schedules, payment plans, etc.
If you have children and a child custody/visitation agreement, their well-being and security are a top priority. Regardless of how angry, resentful, or hurt you are, you must take the higher road when it comes to co-parenting. Child and young adult development research clearly show that children fare far better when their parents co-parent cooperatively.
Set up autopay for spouse or child support (preferably through the family law court)
Regardless of how amicable things are now, we recommend taking everything you can out of the equation regarding the “business side” of spousal support or child support payments. Most family law courts in California now offer the ability for these payments to run through them for a very nominal annual fee (or for free, depending on the total amount of the payments). For less than $50 per year, payments automatically deposit into your bank account.
By registering these payments through the court takes the personal relationship out of the equation. Payment agreements are between the court and the payee; if payments are late or skipped the recipient never has to be “the bad guy.”
Change passwords, names on accounts, etc.
As you open new accounts, odds are you’ll use a different password than you did when you were married. This is strongly advised if you and your spouse used the same password for everything. Also, if you’re changing your name after the divorce, you’ll also need to begin that process.
Because it can take up to three months or so to legally change your name in California, it may mean going back through each and every one of your accounts and completing their process to finalize the name change in their systems.
Create new estate planning documents (will, trust, etc.)
This is a good time to meet with an estate attorney to draft a new will and trust documents. This is even more important if you have never created a will or trust in the past. Because California is a community property state, your ex-spouse would automatically inherit everything.
Now, without a will or trust in place, you leave your children and family members more vulnerable if you become incapacitated or die without specific instructions, including those who can make legal and medical decisions on your behalf. One of the benefits of working through this process is that you may uncover or remember accounts, credit cards, investments, life insurance policies, or retirement funds you forgot you or your spouse had and that haven’t been closed or divided yet.
NOTE: Make sure that any account beneficiary or “pay on death” designations reflect the right person on any accounts that became yours. If your ex-spouse’s name remains on those forms, there is nothing anyone else can do about it if you die. Those funds transfer directly to whoever is named, regardless of marital/divorce status.
Update (or create) your advanced medical directive
That segues directly to the next item on the list: updating or creating an advanced medical directive. Again, before you’re divorced, your spouse would have been the one making any medical decisions on your behalf.
Now that you are single, it’s essential that your medical directive outlines who you select to make medical and end-of-life decisions on your behalf if you cannot do so. Medical directives also help you outline what you want or do not want in any given scenario. Advanced medical directive forms are available from your health care provider, or you can also use free online versions like This One by Prepare For Your Care.
Protect your credit
Once all of the steps in your marital settlement agreement are complete, we recommend pulling a free credit report to ensure all the accounts you closed or divided are taken care of. You are entitled to one free credit report per year from all major players, such as Experian and Equifax.
Keep in mind that it can take several weeks or a few months for things to cycle on and off your report. If you and your spouse were efficient at dividing and conquering the tasks on your marital settlement agreement, wait 90 days or so before pulling the reports to ensure they’re accurate.
Click Here for instructions on obtaining your free copy report from legitimate agencies.
Take care of insurance details after you’re divorced
Review all of your insurance policies – auto, homeowners, medical, dental, vision, and life – to make sure their current and that your ex-spouse is no longer on the policy. In some cases, this might mean you need to ensure you’re off your ex-spouse’s policy (alleviating any financial responsibility on your end) and getting a policy of your own.
Need Guidance To Complete The Steps After You’re Divorced?
Do you need guidance or advice about what happens now your divorce is complete? Contact The Law Offices of Gerard Falzone. We can review your divorce agreement and marital settlement agreement and create a checklist for you to follow. Once the checklist is complete, you’ll feel as if a tremendous weight is lifted, and you’ll finally be free to move forward.