Category Archives: Family Law

Joint Custody: How To Talk With Your Kids About Divorce

joint custody how to talk with your kids about divorce

There’s an oft-cited claim that half of all marriages end in divorce.

That’s not strictly true. The divorce rate peaked at over 45% in the 1980s but has been falling ever since.

No matter what the statistics say, divorce is still difficult for the whole family. It’s especially hard for the children. You know what life was like before your partner and can probably imagine life without them.

Your children don’t have that benefit of experience. Even joint custody poses problems due to the change and upheaval it entails.

Financially planning for a divorce is one thing. Emotionally preparing your children is another. This guide will help you to plan how you will discuss the situation with your family.

Set Ground Rules with Your Partner Before the Conversation

Telling your children that you’re getting divorced is a difficult conversation. You don’t want to make things worse by the discussion turning into an argument.

Before you talk to them, set ground rules with your partner. Work out how you’re going to break the news and agree what you’ll say.

You need to avoid assigning blame and you don’t want the children to feel pressured into choosing sides. It’s best to block out time for the conversation so it doesn’t feel rushed.

Have a plan for care arrangements in place before you have the discussion. That will help you answer the question ‘What will happen to me/us?’ It’ll show your children that you’re still putting their needs first.

Don’t Rush the Conversation or Pretend Everything Is Fine

The children need time to process the news and ask questions. Let them express themselves, even if they get angry or upset with you.

It’s best if you can have the discussion together. This will reinforce for the children that you’re still capable of a ‘united front’. It’ll show them you can still talk to one another and you’re both there for them.

Try reading our guide to an amicable divorce if you want to relieve some of the stress.

If being in the same room as your partner is too difficult, ask a neutral third party to be present. Or have two conversations and agree on a set script.

Planning on joint custody means putting in a joint effort.

Put Yourself in Your Children’s Shoes

You’re an adult so you process information in a different way to your children. You know what divorce means and how it can affect your life.

But they don’t. They may be scared they won’t see one of you again, even if you’re working on joint custody. They may even blame themselves for the split. Work out how you’ll reassure them that it’s not their fault.

Try to use their language to help them see that both of you still love them, even if you can’t work things out with each other.

Keeping things simple and factual helps you to avoid toxic conversations or passive aggression. Children will pick up on these cues.

At worst, if they think you’re angry or upset, then they should be angry or upset. A calm and straightforward approach is best.

Establish a Support System

Maintaining a routine is a good way to help them process the news. If they see that core parts of their life won’t change, they’ll be better equipped to deal with the upheaval.

Take it in turns to take them to school, keep up with their after-school activities, and so on.

Inform the teachers at their school that you’ll be sharing joint custody. It’ll help staff monitor their behavior and notify you if they act out or become withdrawn.

It’s advisable to tell the teachers the day before you tell your children. That helps the teaching staff to prepare for potential problems.

If necessary, let the parents of their friends know. That’s important if you normally pick them up from play dates, and your partner will now be sharing the responsibility.

Wherever Possible, Minimize the Amount of Change in the Their Lives

Once you establish separate households, continue following their routine. It can be tempting to allow your children more free rein so they see you as ‘the fun parent’.

Don’t fall for it. You and your partner need to maintain consistency. If you continue to set the same rules, it’ll reinforce for your child that not much has changed.

This will help your child feel more secure. The children also need to feel they’re still allowed to love both of you without being disloyal to one parent.

Stress the Positives of Joint Custody

Divorce doesn’t fall out of thin air. Your children will have noticed the tension between you. They may have heard you fighting.

Your discussion is the perfect place to reassure them that divorce actually means less fighting. If you’re lucky, you and your partner can still work as friends, if not as a couple.

Divorce may be the end of you as a couple but your children need to see it’s just the next chapter in your life as a family. Joint custody means you’ll still be a family – just in a different way.

Studies show that children in a joint custody arrangement fare better than those in other arrangements. Your children will benefit from your shared decision-making and responsibilities – just as if you were still together.

If necessary, let them talk to their friends if they come from a divorced family. Their friends will be able to come up with positives that your children will understand.

Allow the Children to Be Involved in Decisions

One of you will leave the family home. If you haven’t already done so, then you can ask your children if they’d like to help you choose a new home.

After all, they’ll be spending half of their time there too. It’ll help them to feel like they’re still part of the family. They’ll also feel like you still respect their input.

If they’re not interested, don’t force the issue. But try to choose somewhere that will be a safe place for them too.

Make the Divorce As Smooth As Possible

We’ve discussed how you can be there for your child. But you need someone to be there for you too.

Being prepared and armed with solid advice is the best way to answer their questions and feel secure in yourself.

An Essential Guide to Financially Preparing for Divorce

an essential guide to financially preparing for divorce

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, there were 813,862 divorces in 2016. While divorce may be common, it doesn’t make the process any easier. Divorce is stressful, but proper preparation and financially preparing for divorce can help ease the situation.

Getting ready for a divorce is multi-faceted. Not only do you need to prepare mentally and emotionally, but also financially.

Divorce isn’t an easy situation for either party, but preparing yourself financially for the divorce can save you from future money issues.

Being ready financially can help minimize financial issues during the divorce proceedings. In the event of alimony or child support issues, you’ll want to be financially prepared.

Here are 7 tips to get you on the right path:

7 Tips For Financially Preparing For Divorce

1. Inventory Your Assets

Assets can be sticklers during divorce cases. Who gets the house and car? Who keeps the wedding rings?

One of the first steps is to take an inventory of all of your assets.

You’ll first want to take note of separate property. This includes anything that you owned before your marriage. Separate property also includes inheritances and gifts.

Items acquired during the marriage are considered marital property. Who gets which items is often determined in court.

When taking your inventory, be sure to:

Create a typed list of inventoried items
Take pictures of each item, with a time stamp
Upload these picture to avoid data loss

Knowing which assets you have is important. You want to be able to account for all items so that you have what is rightfully yours once the divorce is finalized.

2. Locate and Store Your Financial Records

Having your financial records available during a divorce can make the process much faster. Once you and your ex-partner have decided to move forward with a divorce, ensure you have access to your financial records.

You should have at least five years’ worth of documents. The further back your documents date, the better.

When collecting financial records, be sure that you have:

Bank statements
Benefits and beneficiary information
Property information
Investment accounts
Tax returns
Pay stubs

Once you have located these documents, make copies of each one. You will want to keep the originals in a safe location, such as a deposit box.

3. Open Individual Accounts

Many married couples have joint bank accounts. If you have automatic deposits into a joint account, you’ll want to stop them immediately.

You will also want to remove your ex-partner’s name from any of your accounts. This will ensure that only you have access to them.

As soon as you know that the divorce will proceed, open your own personal accounts. You may want to use an entirely new bank as well, to avoid potential confusion.

Open a checking as well as a savings account in just your name.

Want to build your personal credit? Open a credit card with a small line of credit. This will allow you to strengthen your credit history.

4. Create a New Budget

Unless you and your ex-partner will maintain the financial status quo, your household income will decrease. Living on just one salary can be eye-opening.

Another piece of financially preparing for a divorce is to create a new budget.

When creating your budget:

Write down your monthly income
Notate your monthly bills
Account for money sent to retirement and/or savings accounts

After crunching the numbers, ensure that you are able to cover your expenses. If you are coming up short, now is the time to cut expenses where possible.

You will also want to work on building your emergency fund. Divorce attorneys and court fees can be expensive. Ensure you are financially sound enough to cover any divorce-related costs.

5. Update Beneficiaries

Updating your beneficiaries is an important part of financially preparing for divorce. It is so easy to forget about a beneficiary form that you filled out years ago.

During a divorce, you will want to remove your ex-partners name as the listed beneficiary. You may find it ideal to list your parent or a close family member instead.

When updating your beneficiaries, you may have to do so in several locations, including:

Insurance policies
Retirement accounts
Your will
Medical proxy

6. Keep an Eye on Your Credit Report

Your credit report will give you a clear picture of your current financial position. With your credit report, you will want to notate any outstanding debts. Also, take note of your credit score.

Also, take note of your credit score.

Are you a cosigner for your partner’s loan? Do you both have access to a credit card with an unpaid balance?

These could be potential issues during the divorce. Your ex-partner could decide to run up the credit card even more. This makes for a messy financial situation.

Be aware of your debts and carefully monitor them throughout the divorce.

There’s nothing worse than a dropping credit score because of your ex-partner. Keep tabs on your debt amounts and ensure they don’t increase.

7. Financially Preparing for Divorce With a Financial Adviser

Chances are that you and your ex-partner shared financial responsibilities. With the potential of only one income now, it’s important to get a big picture of your finances.

Will you be able to pay all of your bills? Can you live comfortably on your salary alone?

A financial adviser can help determine your financial situation.

Meeting with a financial adviser is useful for financially preparing for divorce. An adviser will be able to assist you with:

Determining your monthly income
Creating a new budget
Finding potential income shortfalls
Ensuring your financial success during the divorce
Current and future tax situation

A Family Law Attorney You Can Depend On

The idea of a divorce is stressful enough. Going through a divorce on your own can make the process that much harder.

Want a quick and easy divorce? If so, you’ll want legal help and representation.

A qualified family law attorney can work with you to make the process much easier.

At the Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone, we specialize in divorce cases. You can count on us to get you through this difficult process. Contact us today to get started.

Divorce Advice: 7 Tips for a Successful Divorce

divorce advice 7 tips for a successful divorce

At their wedding, couples promise to stay together for better or for worse.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out that way. In fact, experts indicate that as many as 50% of marriages end in divorce.

In spite of how common it is, divorce is often very difficult. The process is especially challenging because most people involved in divorces have never been through the process before.

So even couples who mutually agree to separate can experience ugly divorce proceedings. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Here’s our best divorce advice to help you get through the process as painlessly as possible.

Get divorce advice from a good lawyer

Sometimes, parties involved in a divorce are reluctant to hire a divorce lawyer. If they have an amicable relationship with their spouse, they may fear that getting an attorney involved can make things contentious.

Just because you hire a lawyer, though, doesn’t mean that you can’t have an amicable divorce.

In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Hiring a lawyer is simply taking an important step towards understanding the divorce process. A lawyer will help you learn the language of divorce, and will ensure that your rights are protected.

Do your research

That said, sometimes people getting divorced make the opposite mistake. They hire a lawyer and expect that their legal counsel will handle everything.

Yes, it is your lawyer’s job to help you through the divorce proceedings, but it is your job to learn about the process.

Educating yourself will help you to better communicate your needs to your lawyer.

Additionally, apart from the custody of children, division of shared property is the most difficult aspect of divorce. Gaining a better understanding of your finances will help you navigate this process.

Have realistic expectations

Often, divorce battles drag on because one or both spouses have unrealistic expectations about how much many they should get, or how much they can pay.

The process will go a lot more smoothly if you go in understanding your rights and responsibilities.

At the end of the day, unless you had a prenuptial agreement, the spouse who makes more money will likely have to pay alimony. The sooner you accept this piece of divorce advice, the easier it will be to negotiate a reasonable number.

That said, if you are the spouse who makes less money, understand that you probably won’t get as much support as you think you deserve.

Unfortunately, one of the hard truths about divorce is that you will likely have to make adjustments to your lifestyle. This is simply what happens when you take one household and break it off into two separate ones.

Pick your battles

Once you accept that your life will change after divorce, it will be easier to set your priorities.

A good piece of divorce advice is to remember that the most important things are the items that money can’t buy. Things like family heirlooms, photo albums, and keepsakes are important to get a hold of.

Additionally, you can’t put a price on your personal health and mental well-being. While it is important to fight for a fair settlement, at a certain point it’s just not worth squabbling over pennies.

On the same note, don’t get greedy. Sometimes, spouses going through a divorce try to hide money in secret accounts or to sell off assets.

In the long run, moves like these will end up making you look bad in court, and can do more harm than good.

Put your kids’ needs first

When two adults go through a divorce proceeding, it can be easy to forget about the people caught in the middle: the children.

If you have young children, keep in mind that the divorce will likely be just as challenging for them as it is for you. In some cases, it can be even more difficult for them.

That said, don’t fall into the trap of believing that divorcing makes you a bad parent. Many couples try to keep the marriage together for the kids. This is probably why couples with children are less likely to divorce than couples without kids.

But staying in a bad marriage can be even more damaging to children than a divorce.

The key is to keep your children’s needs a priority throughout the divorce proceedings.

One way to do this is to avoid using your children as gambling chips with your spouse. Remember, your children are not assets to be won. They are people whose lives are being affected.

Unless you are leaving an abusive situation, it is likely in your children’s best interest that they have contact with both of their parents. Working to achieve a custody agreement that meets these needs is crucial to your children’s health.

Try to settle out of court

When divorce proceedings go to court, they tend to get more complicated. A judge with little knowledge of the situation ends up making decisions about who gets what property, and where the children will live.

Settling matters through a legal mediation is often a better approach.

Hiring a dedicated mediator can help ease negotiations between both parties.This process can often conclude much more quickly than a lengthy court battle. Not to mention, settling out of court is much less expensive.

Take healthy steps for self-care

When discussing divorce, it is easy to get wrapped up talking about shared assets, custody, and living arrangements. These are all only business aspects of a divorce.

It’s important to remember, however, that divorce has many emotional components. No matter how sour your marriage has gone, in most cases, you started out wanting to be married to the other person. This can make divorce very painful.

Additionally, this emotional trauma can have negative health effects.

So, as you go through the process, be sure to take steps to care for yourself. Seeing a therapist can be a great way to talk through your feelings, and come to terms with the end of your marriage.

If your need divorce advice, contact us. We’ll put you in touch with a lawyer who can help you with your unique situation.

10 Tips For An Amicable Divorce

10 tips for an amicable divorce

Divorce is an unfortunate fact of life. Circumstances change, and people grow apart. But your divorce does not need to be acrimonious.

An amicable divorce is easier on all parties. And why shouldn’t it be easy? A divorce is a major life event but the process can be smooth.

Once you and your partner have made the difficult decision to separate you can still remain on civil terms. The ending of a marriage is the end of a contract. Contracts can be finalized in a way which benefits both parties.

So what are the tips for an amicable divorce?

Don’t Rush the Process of Friendship

Of course, it would be wonderful if every divorce ended with a hug and handshake and the couple remained firm friends for life. This can happen, but it is not a good idea to try and be friends too soon.

A divorce is a painful and disruptive event. You both need time and space to think through your feelings and adjust to the changes in your lives.

Remain professional and courteous, but don’t try and hasten a friendship. Let everything evolve in its own time.

Write it Down

Trust is important during a divorce agreement, but this is a challenging time for everyone. There is a lot to be talked about. Words are spoken, and sometimes words are forgotten or recanted.

If you reach an agreement on assets or other components of the divorce make sure you take a note. This way, if anything changes, you have a record of the agreement.

Issues of money and parenting are emotional topics. Keep a record and be precise with the details.

Create a Parenting Plan

When there are children involved in a separation emotions can become heated. Try and work as a team with your ex. Keep everyone’s best interests at the forefront.

A parenting plan should clearly outline the expectations and guidelines of your continued co-parenting after the divorce is complete. The plan should cover where the children will live, weekend arrangements, holiday arrangements, and other key issues.

Remember to keep sight of the fact that your children are involved in a divorce regardless of their age. A divorce affects the entire family. Ensure they don’t become a bargaining tool.

Consider Mediation

Sometimes, regardless of the best intent, you and your ex can reach an impasse. Perhaps there is a point or two which you just cannot agree on. This may be the time to enlist the help of a mediator.

Mediation is a popular way to settle family legal disputes. The mediator can offer an unbiased point of view and work with both parties to educate and instruct.

A mediator who is also a lawyer has the experience and legal knowledge to help couples reach an agreement.

Establish Clear Rules and Consequences

A divorce is a stressful time and humans can sometimes act badly under stress. Each of you may be determined to have an amicable divorce but there can be moments when the end result is lost in the heat of the process.

It can be helpful to define a set of rules along with consequences should the rules be broken. This will allow both you and your ex to feel secure if one of you strays from the agreement.

In effect, you are establishing the rules for your new post-divorce relationship.

Leave Old Habits Behind

Once you and your ex-partner have decided to divorce you are removing yourself from the relationship of marriage. A marriage provides a couple with a support person to prop them up through life’s challenges. A divorce releases you from this requirement.

Resist the urge to be there for your ex’s difficulties whether they be emotions, work, or family. You can still show concern, of course, but it is not healthy to continue to be the key support once you have made the decision to divorce.

Make a reasonable gap between the two of you and let go of your requirement to support your ex through their troubles. Concentrate on developing positive new habits for your life without your ex.

Allow Relationship Transformation

You have both decided on an amicable divorce but what happens next? How do you adjust to the relationship post-marriage?

Your new relationship with your ex will be different. It has to be. A marriage partnership needs to evolve after a divorce.

Don’t rush it. Allow your new relationship to transform and grow and release your expectations of what it should be.

Accept Support When Offered

A divorce is tough, regardless of how smooth the process is. You can’t do it alone. If friends or family offer their help, take it.

Sometimes all you need is a friendly ear and a willingness to listen. A divorce can be an isolating time. A frank conversation with someone who cares can be all you need to reclaim the feeling that you are not alone.

Don’t try and do this by yourself. Others may have experiences that they can share which will help with some of your questions. Ease your pathway and accept support.

Don’t Lay Blame If You Want An Amicable Divorce

It can be tempting to blame your ex for the marriage breakdown. It may be their fault but laying blame does not help anyone. Accept the marriage dissolution and go forward peacefully.

It is all too easy for a divorce to become messy and confrontational. Removing blame from any interactions with your ex will make your discussions flow more smoothly and increase the chances of reaching an agreement.

A pointed YOU said (did, had, etc) immediately puts the other party on the defensive. Bypass the blame game.

Select a Divorce Option

There are many ways to complete the divorce process. You can choose to go to battle or you can choose a more peaceful approach. An amicable divorce is more likely if you take the peaceful route.

Talk with the professionals. Find out what your options are. You can choose litigation, collaboration, or mediation.

A good divorce attorney will lead you through the dispute and resolution process and out the other side with your sanity intact.

How Conflict can Build a Stronger Marriage

build a stronger marriage It is nearly impossible to avoid conflict in marriages. Oftentimes, it is even necessary for couples to move their relationship forward and define a new level of trust, commitment, and communication. Conflict, while not a true measure of a marriage’s success or how strong a marriage is, can make a marriage stronger by allowing couples to engage in collaboration, broaden their methods of resolving issues, and expand their understanding of one another’s needs and preferences. Even when there are a limited number of conflicts that arise in your marriage, you can benefit from resolving them quickly.

Opposites Attract

The old adage that opposites attract might be true, but the dynamics of such a relationship are bound to lead to differences that result in conflicts and heated debates. In reality, there is no substantial difference between couples that have opposing personalities and preferences and couples who share likes and have similar personalities. In fact, it really isn’t a matter of the individual but rather the two people together as a couple. There are different types of couples and each type will have different methods of resolving a conflict. However, you and your marital partner might find that this characteristic actually benefits the relationship and makes it stronger. For couples that have a more hostile relationship, it just means it will take more work to resolve conflicts.

It Takes Two

Obviously, a relationship will not work if one person exhibits respect for her or his partner and there is no reciprocation. When you are in the midst of a conflict, this is the perfect time to exercise mutuality. Each of you should be listening, trying to understand one another, and offering viable solutions that will be implemented immediately once agreed upon. Each conflict should end with both of you having stronger trust for one another and truly believing that the marriage can survive. This will make your marriage stronger and prove that you can get through anything, as long as you’re both working together to make sure every conflict is resolved within a timely manner and with no loose ends to return to or reignite the conflict.

Playing For Keeps

The fact that you’re even willing to resolve each and every conflict, no matter what it takes, is enough to make your marriage stronger. Unfortunately, some conflicts aren’t as easy to resolve as others. When you come across the more difficult ones, you might need to rely on a temporary moment of separation so that you can each think without actually having to bounce ideas and feelings off of one another. Of course, it is always a great idea to confront conflicts head on, but if you know you are going to say something hurtful or that you will regret later, it might be better to give yourself time to think of a better way and calmer words to express your feelings, wants, and needs. You are playing for keeps, so to speak, and you want the end result to be a permanent resolution so that you and your spouse continue to build trust, respect, communication, and the marriage grows stronger.

Couples don’t always have to agree on everything and there are going to be times when these disagreements will result in bigger conflicts. This is the time when each person needs to exercise a fair amount of respect, understanding, communication, and forgiveness. These are the types of elements of a marriage that make a marriage stronger and allow couples to deepen their trust in one another, renew their commitment to the relationship, and develop new and improved ways of resolving issues that arise.

If you’d like a free telephone consultation, please contact us at (510) 521-9500 for our East Bay office, or (415) 482-7800 at our San Rafael office.

Tips for Co-Parenting After Divorce

co-parenting after divorce No matter the situation, divorces that involve children are always the toughest waters to navigate. Many couples that are ending their marriage in an amicable way make the decision to co-parent, cognizant of the effect divorce can have on kids.

Co-parenting after divorce is not easy, but when done correctly it is beneficial for everyone involved. Here’s how to do it right. Of course, the most important thing is keeping your eyes on the prize — the continued healthy development of your children. Moving forward with respect for all parties involved is imperative.

First and foremost, there needs to be a realization by both you and your ex that the kids are largely innocent victims. Common sense would tell you that dragging them into the situation that is occurring between the two of you is wrong. However, it is also important to silence the other third parties, most notably in-laws and friends. To successfully co-parent, they are going to need to be part of the team as well. Grandmas and grandpas need to be just as impartial, keeping their opinions to themselves.

There also needs to be a spirit of cooperation that runs through your support system. All the adults involved don’t need to be friends, but they do need to show the kids that adults can comport themselves with respect. Sometimes that will mean bending over backwards to accommodate what’s best for the kids, just like you would if you and your ex were still together.

You may not always agree with how your ex chooses to raise your children when they are not with you. Maybe they let them stay up later at their house, or spend more time on the iPad than you are comfortable with. It’s important to remember that they are their kids too, and though they may make different choices, they love your kids together just as much as you do. If you feel your children are engaging in dangerous behaviors with your ex, address your concerns, but do so in a way that doesn’t put the other parent on the defensive.

When your ex does introduce a new love interest into your children’s lives, welcome them to the co-parenting fold with open arms. Instead of dwelling on jealousy, get past yourself. Ask to meet them, and open a door of communication by sharing your concerns free of prejudice.

If the situation that is best for the children doesn’t result in you getting to spend the same amount of time with your children as your ex, don’t lose sleep over it. Instead, concentrate on quality over quantity. When you do get time with your kids, hit the ground running on spending time with them, clearing out your calendar so your focus can be on them as much as possible.

Finally, make sure all the cards are on the table so that you and your ex can keep things as open as possible. While you might think you and your ex are on good enough terms that you don’t need to put your plan in writing, it never hurts. Take time to communicate about any changes in your life as well. That helps everyone feel like they are an equal partner in the co-parenting of your children.

No matter what challenges your marriage or family are facing, the we are here to help. We’ll help you deal with the painful and emotional issues you are facing in the San Francisco Bay area, so you can move your life forward.

7 Tips for Positive Communication with Your Ex

communication with your ex

Communication is an integral part of any type of relationship, be it personal or business. While communicating should be easily undertaken, things can sometimes get so complicated that even the simple act of saying “hello” becomes difficult. Divorce undermines the line of communication between couples, as emotions circulating between them makes it challenging for them to remain courteous to each other.If you are in such a situation, don’t despair.

This article highlights 7 tips that will help you maintain positive communication with your ex-spouse:

Consult A Third Party

If it proves difficult for the two of you to discuss important issues concerning the children, consider seeking help from a third party. You can consult a friend you both trust, a therapist, or a member of the clergy. A therapist can teach you the significance of not engaging in conflicts and how to control your emotions in case you’re tempted to fight back when provoked.

Set Clear Boundaries

You need to set clear boundaries and stay within them, especially where children are involved. It is imperative that each of you understands the value of one another’s relationship with the kids and respect that relationship. It is best when such boundaries are clearly stated in your final divorce pronouncement.

Let The Past Be The Past

Never bring up the past when resolving problems. Talk over the issue at hand and if you can’t remain calm and collected as it’s advisable to excuse yourself from the conversation. You should treat your ex-partner in a similar way you would a business associate.

Schedule appointment to talk over issues, meet in a neutral place, and always be punctual and considerate. Name-calling and blame games should be out of the equation if you want to remain in good talking terms with your ex-spouse.

Be Empathetic

Your ex-spouse has fears and concerns just like you do. Recognizing that will make you feel more empathetic and ready to find a solution to any problem that may arise. Empathy is an excellent equalizer. Once you can see and understand that your ex-spouse loves the kids just like you do, you’ll be less prone to engage in conflict.

Be Mindful Of Your Children’s Needs

It is very important to know what your children need from you as a parent. While you may find it difficult to be around your ex-spouse, prioritizing the needs of your children will help develop the kind of relationship that is beneficial to them.

Practice Active Listening

Make a deliberate effort to not only hear, but also understand the whole message being relayed to you. Moreover, it’s imperative that you remain objective and non-judgmental when listening to your ex.

Respect Your Ex’s Family

Interacting with your ex-spouse’s family members can be an unpleasant and an awkward experience. However, this interaction is inevitable as your children are connected to both sides of their family. Hence, it is everyone’s best interest to get along for the good of the children.

In every relationship, communication is essential for conveying important messages and clarifying issues that may not be well-understood. However, when divorced, it becomes quite challenging to remain in good communication terms with your ex-partner. The marriage may be over, but parenthood reigns on. As such, you need to find ways to positively communicate with your ex-spouse for the well-being and happiness of your children. That’s where the aforementioned tips come in handy.

What are Post-Judgment Child Custody Modifications?

what-are-post-judgment-child-custody-modifications

Child custody is both an involved legal issue and one of tremendous importance to people all around the world. Although understanding these intricacies is something which requires expertise, it is also something that must be comprehensible – at least in broad terms – to the layperson who is actually involved in legal custody matters. Something that can be of particular importance to these people is a post-judgment custody modification.

As the name implies, these rulings are changes which are made to an judgment which has already been rendered by the courts. Whilst occasionally this method is used almost as an appeal, where the changes in circumstances are trivial or non-existence, it is generally the case that a post-judgment modification would be pursued when a change in a parent or guardian’s circumstances justifies such an adjustment.

Relevant changes in circumstances can be varied, and matters which might be considered pertinent under the original judgment are almost always valid reasons to pursue such a modification. Nonetheless certain reasons which are particularly common motivations for seeking custody modifications are;

A significant change in financial circumstances, e.g. a new job, a substantial raise, losing a job, etc.
Moving home, or the other parent moving home
The expressed wish of the child to have different custody arrangements
The other parent failing or mistreating the child. Examples may include falling school grades, a decline in behavioral standards, substance abuse, etc. In these cases it is especially important to ensure the safety of all involved, and the California Courts website can direct you to several resources on the topic.

It is also possible to seek smaller custody modifications, for example if your work schedule changes or you wish to take a child on a holiday lasting a day or two longer than you would otherwise be permitted to. These are typically, but not always, easier to acquire as they are much less consequential when weighed against the overarching considerations the courts are obliged to take into account.

These considerations are the point on which all child custody judgments are made, and they apply to modifications just as they do to the original rulings. Furthermore, as well as weighing up the positive and negative aspects of a proposed change in itself, courts will also keep in mind any potential negatives stemming from the process of making the changes itself, as distinct from negatives that may stem from the changes in and of themselves. Therefore it is possible that a change could be denied by the courts due to the effects that adjusting to the changes might have, rather than the merits of the changes itself. It would be rare for this to be the sole or primary consideration, but it may tip the scales in certain cases.

Whilst many such modifications are pursued due to changes in circumstances, modifications to judgments can also be sought as a child ages, on the understanding that their needs and requirements will differ as they grow older. Exactly when to pursue such modifications is not always easy to figure out, and the child’s own opinions and sentiments will often come closer to the forefront the older they get.

Ideally, all child custody matters could be resolved amicably and justly without the need for direct legal involvement. However, in reality, legal judgments are often necessary to ensure that both parents as well as the children involved are given fair treatment that serves the best interests and legal rights of everyone as well as possible. If you have questions about child custody laws or wish to pursue custody modifications, please contact us for more information.

What is a Marital Property Agreement?

marital property agreement

Most married couples decide to jointly share their property and other assets. This makes intuitive sense since in most cases one spouse wants to leave all property and monetary assets to the other spouse. There’s little need to worry about which assets belong to whom: All of the property simply transfers to the other spouse in most circumstances. Marital Property Agreements are for couples who wish to denote how property is shared in the case of divorce.

Separate and Marital Property

There are some more complicated ways to divide property, though, among more than one beneficiary. For instance, marital property acts in many states allow for giving away shared marital property to a third-party recipient.

More broadly, the nuances of how property gets passed on depend on whether property is marital property or separate property as well as specific common law practices in particular states.

Marital property would be any property, earnings or assets that a spouse brought in during a marriage. Everything from a home or family vehicle to the earnings that one spouse brought to the marriage and put in a joint savings account could all be considered marital property.

Separate property, on the other hand, belongs solely to one spouse. Inherited money or inherited property are usually the two most common forms of separate property. Both of these predated the actual marriage – i.e., one spouse had property rights or an inheritance prior to the wedding day.

Post-nuptial agreements and marital property agreements are ways in which one spouse can claim assets or property following a separation, divorce or death. Both post-nuptial agreements and marital property agreements can dictate how marital property and separate property get handed down once one spouse is out of the picture.

Marital Property Agreements

The basis of marital property agreements and marital property acts in the common law system is the realization that each spouse contributes something unique to a marriage.

Marital property acts dictate that property and assets acquired during a marriage are shared equally as marital property among both spouses. This often translates to an underemployed spouse having easier access to credit and the ability for one spouse to make decisions about how monetary and property assets should be divided later on.

So, where exactly do marital property agreements enter the picture? Marital property agreements offer spouses the opportunity to render part or all of marital property shared among both spouses separate property held by only one spouse.

It can work the other way around as well, however: one spouse can turn previously separate property (e.g., an inherited estate) into marital property through a marital property agreement.

Put another way, in states that allow marital property agreements as a common law practice, one spouse can turn individual, separate property into shared marital property or vice versa. Marital property agreements give spouses more control over how their assets get divided during the marriage or after the marriage has ended.

Logistics of Marital Property Agreements

One spouse opting to turn marital property into separate property can make sense under certain circumstances.

There are tax incentives, inheritance laws and estate planning procedures that can make an intelligently executed marital property agreement a win-win for both spouses.

In California and other states that allow marital property agreements, there are some rules that each spouse must follow in order for a marital property agreement to be legally enforceable.

The marital property agreement should be in writing and signed by both spouses. Both spouses must also have full knowledge of each other’s financial circumstances going into the agreement.

Each couple’s legal needs and financial circumstances differ such that one couple might decide to share a lawyer whereas another might hire separate lawyers.

What is Spousal Support?

what-is-spousal-support In San Francisco, when a married couple legally divorces, one spouse may be entitled to receive spousal support. Spousal support, or alimony, is a payment or payments made from one spouse to his or her spouse. The support is based on an agreement between the couple or court decision. You may have heard the term partner support and spousal support used interchangeably. There is a difference in California. Spousal support is a term used for legally married couples in the state. Partner support is generally used for couples who were involved in domestic partnerships and were not legally married.

The Purpose of Spousal Support
This type of support is given to one spouse who is considered lower-wage- or non-wage-earner. Alimony serves many purposes. One purpose is to control the unfair economic effects divorce has on the spouse who is not making as much money as his or her spouse.
For instance, if you decided to forego your career to raise your children, you may need time to return to school or a training program to develop your job skills. Another purpose of alimony to help the spouse to continue the standard of living he or she had during the marriage.

How a Spousal Support Case Begins
Before a spouse can receive any financial support, a case must be established with the court. For example, your lawyer can ask a judge to make a spousal support order if you have the following types of cases:

• Annulment

• Divorce

• Legal separation

• Domestic violence restraining order

Types of Spousal Support
The type of alimony a spouse receives depends on the status of the divorce.

Temporary Spousal Support
Pendente lite, or temporary spouse may be awarded while the divorce is pending or when the couple separates.

Rehabilitative Spousal Support
This is also a type of temporary support. It is awarded for a short time to help a spouse get on his her feet while the divorce proceeds. The money is typically given o that the spouse can go to school, obtain job training or find a way to become more self-sufficient. The support may also be awarded to a spouse who stays home with his or her children until they reach school age.

Permanent Spousal Support
Permanent alimony begins after the divorce is final. It generally continues unless two circumstances happen. One the spouse receiving the support remarries or dies.

Reimbursement Spousal Support
This type of support is for one spouse to reimburse, or pay back, his or her spouse for specific expenses. For instance, your spouse decided to go to medical school during the marriage. You worked to put him or her through school while supporting the household. You may receive reimbursement spousal support in exchange for helping your spouse build his or her career.

Factors Considered in Determining the Amount of Spousal Support Paid
You and your spouse may negotiate and agree on spousal support. This means that the agreement will become court order after a judge signs it. However, if you and your spouse cannot agree, a judge must determine the amount—if any—support will be paid. Here are some factors a judge uses in determining spousal support:

• Standard of living during the marriage.

• Length of the marriage.

• Any domestic violence during the marriage.

Talking to a Divorce Attorney
Obtaining or paying spousal support is a life-changing thing. You want to be prepared prior to asking for or fighting against alimony. To learn more about spousal support or obtain representation, contact a lawyer as soon as possible.