Divorce proceedings require a tremendous amount of energy and time. It’s go, go, go, and the energetic let down when a divorce is finalized often takes clients by surprise. The temptation to tuck things away in a file drawer and never look back is natural, but there are several things you should do first.  

Are you at the beginning of the divorce planning stages? Read our page about Divorce Mediation, which is a much more streamlined, affordable, and smoother way to navigate the divorce journey. 

7 Things to Do After Your Divorce is Finalized 

We advise clients to honor the finalized divorce by taking care of these seven checklist items before charging forward into their new life. 

Make copies and keep key documents in a safe place 

There are certain things you will want to hold onto indefinitely after your divorce because you may need them later on. These include originals and copies of: 

• Your original marriage certificate/license 
• Your finalized divorce paperwork 
• Separate copy of spousal support/child support/custody/visitation documents 
• Financial statements (courts often ask for years’ worth of these records if either party ever asks for spousal/child support modifications 
• Settlement agreement from the divorce 

We recommend keeping originals in a locked, fireproof drawer or safe, with copies held in an easy to access file cabinet. 

Complete anything laid out in your divorce/child custody orders 

If you are responsible for taking any actions as part of the divorce decree, do it without hesitation. This includes things, like: 

• Dividing or allocating relevant properties as ordered 
• Changing any ownership or titles for cars, boats, other toys to reflect the finalized divorce 
• Making alimony or child support payments in-full and on-time 
• Following any instructions provided by the courts or your lawyer  

If you don’t take care of ordered business immediately, the courts may fine you or penalize you further.  

Close and reopen financial/credit accounts 

If you haven’t already done so, it is essential that you speak to any and all financial institutions, credit card companies, retirement account holders, etc., and let them know your divorce is final. In some cases, presenting them with the finalized divorce papers will be enough to remove a spouse from the account.  

However, more and more, financial companies and credit card companies require customers to close existing accounts and reopen new ones to ensure a former spouse doesn’t have access to your money, your credit, or your personal information. 

Update (or create) your estate plan 

When one spouse dies, the remaining spouse automatically inherits everything unless there is an estate plan stating otherwise. Similarly, if your ex-spouse is currently listed as a beneficiary or POD (pay on death) recipient, s/he will automatically receive any funds from those accounts when you die. It doesn’t matter if you were divorced 20 years ago and remarried, or if your children believe they were entitled to the funds, financial institutions honor the most recent beneficiary, POD name, or will/trust information without question. 

Verify insurance coverage will your carriers 

Connect with insurance carriers (homeowners, health, auto, life, etc.) to ensure you are still covered and to verify whether they need any additional documentation or information. Many policies and premiums are structured according to whether an individual is married, single, or divorced – and they consider it your responsibility to let them know when legal status changes. 

Make name changes with proof of divorce documents ASAP 

If your divorce has inspired you to change your name, do it now. It takes quite a bit of time and paperwork so the sooner you get going, the sooner it will all be done. Even when you think you are done, odds are there will be an account, a travel membership, a club, nonprofits you’ve donated money to in the past – who have you listed under your former name. 

Start with name changes for: 

• Social Security 
• Driver’s license 
• Passport/REAL ID 
• Your employer and HR office 
• Children’s school documents 
• Financial accounts 
• Retirement savings 
• Investment accounts 
• Credit cards 
• PayPal and other financial vendors 
• Magazine subscriptions 
• Travel/airline memberships 

It does take time and diligence, but it pays off to have your legal name accurately reflected across the board. 

Practice self-care when your divorce is finalized 

As we mentioned in the introduction, divorce proceedings require a tremendous amount of time, energy, and stamina. All of the steps you have to take to keep the process moving forward, combined with other life changes that coincide with a divorce – such as finding a new place to live, moving, changing work or schools, family and friend reactions, etc. – can take their toll on your mental and emotional wellbeing. 

Now that you are in the post-divorce phase, practice self-care in the form of quiet time, restorative activities that bring you joy, finding the support of an experienced family therapist, joining a support group for divorced adults and/or single parents – all can help you reclaim your life in a healthy and balanced way.

We Can Get You Through Your Divorce

Are you deciding whether or not to get divorced? Are you trying to navigate a DIY divorce and need professional support. Set up a consultation with The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone and we’ll help you choose the least complicated way to get your divorce finalized as peacefully and seamlessly as possible.

It isn’t always easy to know if filing a restraining order is your best way forward without support from law enforcement or legal professionals.  

In addition to consulting with a family law attorney, you can also schedule an appointment with the family law division of your country court, where anyone is entitled to free help and information. 

Things To Know About A Restraining Order 

The following explains the basics of a restraining order, how they are most commonly used, and whether or not you may need to file one. Keep in mind, however, that restraining orders move through the legal court system and are pieces of paper. If you or your children are physically at risk, consult with a family law professional to outline your safest, next steps. 

What is a restraining order? 

Ultimately, a restraining order is a legally binding order from the CA courts. In their words: 

A restraining order (also called a “protective order”) is a court order that can protect someone from being physically or sexually abused, threatened, stalked, or harassed. The person getting the restraining order is called the “protected person.” The person the restraining order is against is the “restrained person.” Sometimes, restraining orders include other “protected persons” like family or household members of the protected person. 

One of the problems with restraining orders is that paperwork doesn’t necessarily prevent another human from doing what they decide to do. In other words, filing a restraining order can’t keep your potential abuser from reaching out to you, harassing you, or from violating other sections of the order. When and if they do, however, your restraining order allows the police to take more instant action. 

There are two different types of restraining orders.  

Civil restraining order 

This is filed when an offender is not intimately or closely related to you. If the person harassing or threatening you is a neighbor, roommate, friend, family member more than two-degrees removed, like an aunt or uncle, a niece or nephew, cousins, and more distant relatives, or another person you are not closely related to. 

Domestic violence restraining order 

The second type of restraining order is dedicated to victims of domestic violence. This is the type we see most often in the family law arena. This one is filed by adults who are victimized by people with whom they share an intimate or close relationship, including:  

• married or registered domestic partners 
• divorced or separated 
• dating or used to date 
• living together or used to live together 
• parents together of a child 
• closely related (parent, child, brother, sister, grandmother, grandfather, in-law) 

Restraining orders, themselves, are divided into four different categories: 

1. Emergency 
2. Temporary 
3. No-Contact 
4. Domestic violence 

Emergency orders are often the first step, getting the ball rolling and putting some protection into place as the case moves forward. Temporary orders extend the emergency orders and bide you more time until the judge is able to hear your case and decide whether a more permanent restraining order is necessary. 

Do You Need A Restraining Order?

You may need to file a protective order if the person listed in the above, domestic violence restraining order category, has abused you or threatened to abuse you. Save any and all texts, emails, voicemails, or video footage that prove your case. Solid eyewitnesses (no hearsay) may also help your cause. 

The same is true if you are a parent in a child custody situation where you feel like the child’s other parent or someone living in the other parent’s household has been abusive, is threatening to abuse the child, or where domestic violence between other adults or members of the household is traumatizing your child. 

If you feel like your child is at risk, we recommend filing Emergency Child Custody and Visitation orders, as well as a restraining order, to keep your child(ren) safe. 

Along with all of the legal documents you need to file, make sure to have a professional, evidence-based case to present in court. This includes things like: 

• Photos of personal damages or vandalism 
• Signed affidavits by eyewitnesses 
• Prior or current medical records and police reports 
• Any records of threatening conversations, messages, photos, etc. 

Sadly, even though you are the victim here, you have to be your own strongest and most professional advocate when moving your case through the legal system if you cannot afford legal representation. 

Tips For Helping Police Uphold Your Restraining Order 

Police officers do not have instant access to any and all court orders. For that reason, it is essential that you keep your original court papers tucked in a safe and locked location.  

• Make copies and keep them everywhere you may need access, including your home, your car glove compartment, your desk at work, your friends’ houses, etc.  
• Report any and all violations. Any inconsistencies on your part (like texting or calling the person sometimes but then reporting them when they do the same) will compromise your case 
• Try to find a safer place to live if the person you’ve filed against is too out of control or uncaring about the law to be affected by a restraining order 
• Consistently call the police and file a report each and every time there is a violation to support your case with legitimate documentation 

We are so sorry to hear of any clients who find it necessary to file a protective order, and yet they are essential in helping to keep yourself or loved ones safe. Need help working through a complicated separation, divorce, child custody case that requires a restraining order of some kind? Work with the compassionate family law team here at the Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone. (415) 482-7800.

The majority of the sentiments around marriage are focused on the romantic aspects of the partnership. Premarital legal counseling focuses on the legally-binding and financial aspects of what it means to get legally married.  

Scheduling a premarital counseling appointment to learn more about the most typical divorce triggers, the legal and tax ramifications for blending or separating current property, assets, and financial accounts help couples make more sound decisions before saying, “I do.” 

Premarital Legal Counseling: Educate & Empower Yourselves Before Tying the Knot 

Our legal strongly believes that while no one gets married with the expectation of getting divorced, everyone who gets married should know how their marriage will affect their legal rights and responsibilities. Couples who are informed, educated and empowered around how marriage affects their legal and financial future make better decisions. They enter the binding marital contracts with greater wisdom, and that paves the road for a successful marriage. 

At Your Legal Counseling Session, We’ll Focus On: 

Your current financial, property, and assets holdings  

Because California is a community property state, what’s yours is his/hers and what’s his/hers is yours – unless you’ve legally stated otherwise. In an era where individuals wait longer to get married, often as homeowners, business owners, with established savings accounts, etc., it makes sense to protect what is yours independently and merge what is created together as a couple.  

This is especially true if your partner has a challenging relationship with money, is in debt, or has bad credit (all worth discussing with a financial or legal professional before getting married!). 

This isn’t about who has more or who is not wanting to share; it’s more of a conversation of what’s best to keep legally out of the couplehood that can be shared as desired along the way. It also allows two loving, respectful, and forward-thinking adults to prepare for every situation the future may throw at them.  

If, in a worst-case scenario where divorce is potential – the way you want things shared, divided, or separated now is a much more logical, fair, and compassionate option than what might happen years or decades down the road when you are not able to hold such an unconditional perspective. 

Prenuptial agreements & other forms 

If one or both of you has a situation where prenuptial agreements make sense, your legal premarital counseling sessions are the space where you can draft those. I recommend prenuptial agreements for individuals or couples when: 

• There’s a need to keep finances separate 
• There are children from another partnership  
• Funds need to be protected to care for aging or ill parents/relatives 
• There are large income discrepancies (protects unreasonably high alimony payments down the road if you get divorced) 
• One spouse has more debt or bad credit than another (always run complete credit checks before marrying someone) 
• There are family properties, trust, or assets that should remain separate from community property laws 
• You want to avoid drawn-out court proceedings if you get divorced 

If any of these apply to you, it’s worth having a conversation with your partner. Your premarital legal consultation gives you expert advice and recommendations to help you move forward in a way that feels clear and authentic for the two of you. 

Understand the common precursors or triggers for divorce 

It may sound crazy to talk about causes of divorce before you get married, but we have learned it makes good sound sense. As family law mediators and legal professionals, we have heard variations of the same stories over and over again. It’s heartbreaking to see individuals and couples who might have been able to remain in a healthy marriage if they’d known which red flags to look out for from the start. 

We recommend reading our post, The 9 Most Common Risk Factors for Divorce for a detailed description of the hows and whys. In the meantime, the following are the basic bullet points. Review them with your fiance and see if any of them resonate. The more work you can do with premarital counselors – therapeutic and/or legal – beforehand, the better equipped you’ll be to navigate them now or in the future. 

• Affairs/infidelity 
• Financial discrepancies/hardships 
• Your parents were divorced 
• Different drinking/recreational drug habits (if this is a red flag now, seek help before your marriage!) 
• Getting married too young OR waiting too late 
• Weddings that cost 20K or more 
• Lower education levels or lower economic status 
• You lived together before marriage 
• Poor communication 
• Having a child before or within the first year of marriage 

Don’t panic if any of these apply to you. These aren’t absolutes; they are simply some common roots of why people get divorced and are worth discussing and working through before you officially get married. 

The Law Offices of Gerard A Falzone has supported Alameda and Marin County couples through premarital legal counseling consultations for more than 30 years. Contact us to schedule yours. (415) 482-7800. 

Child custody and visitation orders are legal documents that stand strong in the eyes of the family law court. That said, there are situations when parents or potential legal guardians can apply for and obtain emergency child custody and visitation orders.  

Legally and technically speaking, it is illegal to violate the court’s child custody and visitation orders unless and until a judge has ordered otherwise. Of course, if a child’s physical and/or emotional wellbeing is seriously in jeopardy, California family law courts often make exceptions while the case is moving through the courts.  

If you are concerned that the custodial parent is jeopardizing the child’s safety or wellbeing, or is a threat to him/herself and others, contact a local family law attorney ASAP to learn more about your options and to create a plan of action. 

Grounds For Obtaining Emergency Child Custody And Visitation Orders 

Domestic abuse 

If your child expresses the s/he has witnessed or overheard domestic abuse in the form of physical or verbal/emotional abuse, you can apply for an emergency order. This includes both scenarios where a custodial parent is either the abuser OR the abused. 

In either case, the court will be inclined to suspend unsupervised visitation or child custody in an abusive household while social workers assess the situation and render their observations and conclusions. In the meantime, if the child desires it, the courts may require supervised visitations with the co-parent, with which you must legally comply. 

The child is a victim of abuse or their custodial parent is charged with abuse 

If a child reports any type of abuse – physical, sexual, verbal – in the custodial household, it is grounds for getting an emergency child custody and visitation order. If the perpetrator is the parent, the child is typically removed until the investigation is complete. If the offender is someone other than the parent, the courts might agree to remove the child from that household until they have done further research, but they might not if the custodial parent is 100% cooperative and agrees to protect the child from further contact with the suspected perpetrator. 

For example, in cases where the reported abuse wasn’t done by the custodial parent, the courts may not grant the emergency order if the custodial parent agrees to remove the potential offender out of the house or to prevent the child from coming in contact with the suspected offender (such as a neighbor, relative, or babysitter). In this case, the parent’s word might be enough and the court will follow through on the case.  

If the suspected perpetrator is not a member of the household, and the child expresses that s/he feels safe with the parent as long as s/he’s kept away from the suspected abuser, the courts will probably uphold the current custody/visitation order with specific promises on the custodial parent’s behalf. 

A parent threatens to take a child away or withhold visitation 

As mentioned above, the standing court order is always the “legally binding agreement” between parents and the courts. If, however, a parent threatens to take a child away, to not return a child on the date specified, or to remove the child across state lines without your consent, you can apply for an emergency order. 

As always, this is to protect the child but not to support tension or animosity between exes. So, if the child’s custodial parent wants to take the child across the state/country borders to visit family or for normal vacation, it’s typically best for you to agree. And, your application to the court may backfire on you if the judge feels it had more to do with your ex than supporting your child’s health and safety. It is only when evidence looks like a parent is trying to take a child away or play manipulative games that the court would issue the emergency order. 

One parent is refusing to agree to a necessary medical procedure 

If your child requires a necessary medical procedure and one parent won’t agree (typically out of fear of the results), the courts may grant a temporary, emergency legal child custody agreement. This allows the parent supporting the medical procedure to make the decisions in the best interest of the child. In that case, California courts call in social workers and legal professionals who analyze all of the information, including medical records and the doctors’ input/recommendations, to form an opinion that is shared with the court.  

Co-parenting during COVID-19 sheltering-in-place may be grounds for emergency child custody and visitation orders

Most recently, we have had calls from parents who are afraid their co-parent is not following COVID-19 social distancing and is putting their child at risk for contracting the virus. This is newly chartered terrain, but there may be grounds for obtaining an emergency child custody or visitation order in this case. The cases moving through the courts today will help to set the stage for future years if/when we’ll need to shelter in place to avoid the spread of an epidemic. Again, consulting with a family law professional is your best resource. 

We’re Here To Help You When You Need It

Do you need swift support and counsel to move forward with the application for an emergency child custody or visitation order? Contact us here at the Law Office of Gerald A. Falzone and we’ll do whatever we can to facilitate your case as swiftly as possible. 

It’s no mystery that children suffer from the effects of divorce when parents separate and suffering can hurt a child’s school performance, social interactions, and a sense of self.  

It is not easy to navigate the role of “adult getting divorced” and “parent,” but the more you can do to positively support your child’s process and provide the mental/emotional support they need, the better off they will be at school, at home, and in the world-at-large. 

FYI: Children are not alone. Divorce can also impact a parent’s work performance. Read The Effects of Divorce on Work Performance to learn more about how to support yourself through the process as well. 

Statistics Around Divorce And Its Impact On School Performance 

Some studies have shown that students with divorced parents: 

• Have lower overall GPAs  
• Are more likely to have to repeat a grade 
• Have lower comprehension scores 
• More likely to have behavior and impulsivity issues at school 
• Are less likely to attend/graduate college 

While that sounds bleak, more recent and comprehensive studies indicate there’s more to it than that. Statistics from a recent UCLA study on divorce and its impact on school performance took a bigger-picture view.  

Researchers divided families into three different groups: couples unlikely to divorce, couples more likely to get a divorce, and those who fell in the middle.  

• In families in the “unlikely to divorce” group, children of divorced parents were 6 percent less likely than children of non-divorced parents to graduate from high school and 15 percent less likely to complete college 
• For children in the “likely to divorce” group, there was virtually no impact on their likelihood to graduate from high school or college if their parents’ marriage ended. The paper noted that children in that group already have lower levels of academic achievement — so a divorce generally didn’t make things better or worse for them. 

Ultimately, it seems like socio-economic stability, and emotionally healthy home has more to do with academic success than divorce rates. While divorce often causes temporary or semi-long term ripples in a child’s behavior or academic progress, an emotionally healthy and supportive household allows children to regain their traction. 

The Psychological Effects Of Divorce On Children 

It’s also important to remember that a decline in academics or escalating behaviors at school is a normal response to emotional upset.  

Your honest communication and preparation are essential 

According to verywellfamily.com: 

Children from divorced families don‘t always perform as well academically. However, a study published in 2019 suggested kids from divorced families tended to have trouble with school if the divorce was unexpected, whereas children from families where divorce was likely didn’t have the same outcome. 

Read 5 Tips For Helping Children Cope With a Divorce for more information on how to support your children (and yourself) through the process. 

Emotional impacts affect the ability to concentrate or focus 

The emotional impacts of divorce are like a continued ripple effect. There are so many things going on at the same time. In addition to losing the security of two parents who live together and a familiar home landscape, many children must move to a new home, change schools, make new friends, or change sports teams – all amid their personal, all-time low.  

Children often feel they’re somehow to blame for the divorce, or that if they were “good enough” the parent who has moved out or changed houses would have stayed, etc. etc. All of this diminishes their ability – and their will – to focus on academics.  

Negative feelings are painful to hold, and they’re difficult to express, which means they can come out in detrimental ways. 

Children may outwardly resent and punish you 

If academics are a household value, your children may also use academic decline, disruptive behavior at school, or negative peer interactions to punish you. This is a call for help, and any notable decline in academics, social isolation, or atypical behavior issues at school should be handled with care and close attention if it doesn’t resolve in a reasonable amount of time. 

Informing the school can instrumentally help 

Telling the teacher, administration, and counselor can be instrumental in helping your child. While you may feel as if the information is private or embarrassing, the faculty’s awareness of your child’s experience can exponentially support your child as s/he adjusts to the new version of normal. Together, you can collaborate on the best ways to support the child, tailored to his/her personality and needs and the school may be able to offer counseling support as needed, as well as space to take breaks or vent. 

Contact the Law Offices of Gerald Falzone to work with a Bay Area family law attorney who specializes in mediation and whole-family divorce support to improve the family’s emotional wellbeing.