Category Archives: Family Law

What To Do If Your Ex Relocates With The Kids Without Permission?

what to do if your ex relocates with the kids without permission First and foremost, any relocation that takes a child away from their regular school district or outside of a reasonable distance/commute from a co-parent who has child custody or visitation rights is against the law. However, the situation can get sticky if there’s no child custody or visitation agreement in place.

We always recommend seeking support from a family law professional if your ex relocated with the children without permission to determine the best course of action. If the issue cannot be resolved without a judge, it is considered a relocation or move-away case.

CA Courts Support Relocations (Without Permission) If They Don’t Alter Legal Agreements

First, we need to be clear about the type of relocation. Your ex has permission to move whenever and wherever they want without your permission as long as the move does not violate the terms of the child custody and visitation agreement.

While you may be irritated or frustrated by the move or the other parent’s lack of communication, the courts typically won’t have an issue if the move or relocation:

Is within a reasonable distance (CA considers a distance of 20 miles or more to be “long distance” for co-parenting).
The children remain in the same schools/district
The relocation is to a safe, residential structure.

While we never recommended any parent relocating children without notifying the other parent, as long as the terms of the custody/visitation agreement remain intact, it is not illegal. Of course, they must provide you with contact information ASAP, or else it could be construed as absconding with a child (kidnapping).

California family law courts put the children’s well-being and best interests first in child custody cases. If you feel the move puts your child at risk in any way, that it interferes with the current custody/visitation agreement, or is a direct violation of your rights as the legal or physical custodian of your child, contact a lawyer.

Child Relocation Situations Where Courts Get Involved

Here are some of the child relocation situations that warrant some type of legal action on your behalf:

You feel your child is in danger

If, for any reason, you feel your child(ren) is in danger, you can speak to your county court or a local family law professional to help you file a temporary emergency child custody order. The courts expedite the review and hearings for these orders, so you’ll typically have a decision within a few business days.

Consulting with a family lawyer or the free legal assistance provided by your local county court is the best way to determine whether the case warrants it. Keep in mind that if you’re viewed as over-reacting OR if interpersonal issues with your ex-spouse are a driving force for this action (rather than a true threat to a child or custody/visitation), you could be penalized by the court.

They’ve moved the child out of the county, state, or country

It is illegal for a parent to relocate with a child out of the county, state, or country without the other parent’s permission (an exception may be if the move still keeps them within 19 miles of your home and the children can still attend the same schools, extracurricular activities, etc.

Even taking a vacation out of state or country requires written permission from the other parent, so moving children to another state or country without written permission from the other legal or custodial parent. That type of long-distance move, particularly without at least 45 days advance notice, is not viewed favorably by the courts without a proven and extenuating circumstance.

The move negatively impacts your ability to have custody/visitation of your child

Child custody agreements outline two separate types of custody: legal and physical. Depending on the situation, two parents may share legal custody, but one may have primary or majority physical custody of the child. In California, parents often share 50/50 legal and physical custody of their child.

This agreement is legally binding. However, the courts also recognize that it’s a living document and that things change yearly as your children grow up. Changes to the agreement can be made without a new legal document, but they are best done in writing to create a verifiable paper trail.

If your ex-spouse moved more than 20 miles away, the distance affects how often you can physically see or visit your child within the current custody/visitation agreement. The move may also take your child out of their current school district. In either case, your ex shouldn’t have moved without communicating with you and creating a new child custody agreement that reflects reasonable changes based on where/how far away they moved.

It negatively impacts your child (or not)

The older your child is, the more the child custody or visitation agreement may need to evolve with the child’s needs and preferences. The court can prevent a move (or grant sole physical custody to the non-relocated parent) if they feel the move is not in the child’s best interest or negatively impacts their well-being. (Cal. Fam. Code § 7501(a) (2023).

That said, if your child is old enough to speak about their preferences and give substantial support for their feelings, and they prefer the move, this could impact your case. Courts are more apt to listen to older children (10+) or may also ask for information from a qualified, reputable family therapist to help determine what’s best.

Sometimes, a child wants to change schools or districts because the new one is better for their social, academic, or extracurricular life. The court may consider this. That said, the court frowns upon anyone who moves a child without providing at least 45 days’ notice to the other parent, especially if that move impacts the current custody/visitation agreement.

You are notorious for speaking ill of the other spouse or initiating negative drama

Studies are very clear that children with divorced parents fare best when their parents both practice healthy co-parenting and communication (leaving their interpersonal affairs out of the children’s awareness to the best of their ability).

The courts do not support this either. On their page about relocating with a child, the CA family law court is clear the relationship between co-parents can play a role in a judge’s decision:

A judge can consider the co-parenting relationship. Do the parents talk badly about one another in front of the child? Do they allow the other parent to have access to or contact with the child (following the court order)?

The older a child gets, the less they want to be put in the middle or absorb one or the other parent’s negativism about their other parent. That can include a child no longer wanting to live with the parent prone to speaking badly about the other, opting to be in the more peaceful parent’s home.

Schedule A Child Custody Mediation Session With The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone

Is your co-parent talking about a move or relocation that would jeopardize the child custody or visitation agreement? Or did your ex move more than 20 miles away with your child without your permission? Take a pause and create a clearheaded plan that doesn’t contribute to more negative strain that can impact your child’s well-being.

Schedule a free discovery session with a child custody mediator at the Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone. After more than forty years supporting Bay Area families, we’ve seen first-hand how mediation sessions are far healthier and can reshape co-parenting and child custody/visitation agreements for the good of the whole. We’ll review your case and help you determine the best way forward for your child and their future.

Relocating With Your Kids After A Divorce

relocating with your kids after a divorce Divorce visitation agreements are legally binding. Each parent is accountable for those documents. Both parents must agree upon any variation, including relocating with their kids after the divorce.

According to the California Family Law Courts, parents can change where a child lives as long as they can still uphold the current child custody and visitation agreements, including reasonable transportation to and from visitation locations, and both parties agree with the move.

If a relocation will take the children more than a reasonable distance from the other parent, especially if the relocation will be to another county or state, it is almost always better to draft a new child custody and visitation agreement with a family law attorney to avoid potential litigation from the other parent.

5 Considerations Before Relocating With Your Kids After A Divorce

If you are found in violation of your child custody agreement, the other parent will almost always have the upper hand in any ensuing lawsuit.

This list of five things to consider before moving away with your kids after a divorce can help determine whether the move makes sense or is worth pursuing in court if your former spouse is opposed.

Is it in the best interest of the children?

California is a no-fault divorce state. This means that the reasons you divorced your former spouse have little to do with the court’s support of parental rights. While there are exceptions to this, such as a history of substance abuse, domestic violence, or anything else that may threaten a child’s safety, the courts always prioritize the child’s right to have an equitable relationship with each parent.

If the move you are making is not in the best interest of your children but has more to do with your personal best interest, it is doubtful the courts will support that move. Significant evidence must show that your children will fare better in your future destination.

Is your former spouse on board with the move?

You would think that if your ex-spouse is on board with the move, it would be an easy yes. But that may not be the case. The courts listen to kids’ input once they’re 14, and they will not typically support a relocation unless it’s necessary (involuntary job transfer, military relocation, etc.) if they feel your children’s emotional or mental well-being will be compromised by changing schools and starting over in a new location.

However, assuming your children are under 14 and your former spouse is on board with the move, you may be able to relocate without the necessary legal work. In this case, it’s still advised that you use child custody mediation to draft a document outlining the new child visitation agreement, but these don’t necessarily need to be filed with the court.

NOTE: Even if your spouse verbally approves your relocation, always get their approval in writing. This can be a typed and printed/signed paper agreement or an email stating all of the details of the move and anyways it will impact the current custody visitation agreement. In the case of an email, you will want your ex-spouse to reply that they accept all of the terms in your email and are on board with the move. If your ex-spouse gets angry later on and there is no written record of the agreement, you risk being held in violation of the legal custody agreement.

Is this move taking place out of spite?

Again, the best interests of the children are always the court’s highest priority if there is any indication that this move is unnecessary or, more importantly, done out of personal spite, there is no point in pursuing it.

Provide ample written notice to your ex-spouse before relocating with your kids

Deciding to relocate your children, especially if it impacts your ex-spouse’s custody and visitation rights, is a very big deal. They deserve ample notice so they have time to process what this means for them and their relationship with your children and to perform their due diligence if they oppose the decision.

We recommend providing at least 60 days’ notice and no less than 45 days’ notice, which will also look better from the Court’s perspective if this evolves into a child custody lawsuit.

Be proactive in creating a custody and visitation plan for your ex-spouse

To support your cause, you can proactively create a sample custody and visitation plan that accommodates a similar amount of quality time your children would have with the other parent.

So, for example, if you are moving more than an hour or two away – where weekend or every two-weekend visits are unreasonable – the new custody plan may involve giving up the majority of your children’s long weekends, holidays, and summer vacations so that the kids can spend significant quality time with their other parent. If that’s the case, think seriously before committing. You may miss having your kids around for those traditional moments and your summer holidays. The new agreement that you created will be a legally binding agreement – which may jeopardize the amount of time you get to be with your kids.

Also, remember that as your children get older and more involved in school and with their friends, this arrangement may be extremely distasteful to them. We’ve had cases where teenage children moved back with the other parent, with approval from the court, because they resent the parent’s decision to move away and want to return to their original community family and friends.

Schedule A Child Custody Mediation Session At The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone

Are you thinking about relocating with your kids after a divorce to a location that would impact a current child custody and visitation schedule? Schedule a consultation at the Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone.

During this first session, I can review your current custody and visitation order, discuss your move and the reasons for it, and give you an idea of how the courts might decide on your case if your ex-spouse opposes the plan. If your ex-spouse agrees with the move, I can meet with both of you and help you draft a new child custody and visitation agreement that supports your children’s well-being and a healthy relationship with both of their parents.

Statute Of Limitations On Annulment In California

statute of limitations on annulment in california Annulments differ from divorces because they terminate and erase the legal marriage contract. An annulment determines that the marriage was never legally valid, so it doesn’t exist in the legal record.

However, unlike a divorce that can be filed for at any point during a marriage, there are statutes of limitation on when – and why – you can file for an annulment. If you don’t file within those limitations, you must pursue a divorce instead.

The best way to proceed with an annulment is to contact a family law expert who works with annulment cases. This ensures your paperwork is filed correctly and that it continues through the family law courts.

File Marriage Annulments Within Four Years Or Less

In most cases, you’ll want to file the petition for a marriage annulment within four years of your marriage date. Going beyond that date can make the marriage legal in the eyes of the family law court, forcing you to file for divorce instead.

Annulments are the way to go if your case qualifies and you want to terminate the marriage because they are almost always more straightforward, less stressful, and affordable.

Annulments With Four-Year Statute Of Limitations

Here is a more detailed list of the legal grounds for filing for an annulment in California, which has a four-year statute of limitations.

You were a minor (less than 18 years old)

It is illegal to get married as a minor in California without parental permission. However, even with your parents’ permission, your marriage may be null and void if you married before turning 18.

The marriage is a fraud (you were tricked into it)

If you can prove that you were tricked into the marriage and the marriage was a fraud, meaning you were tricked into it based on misrepresentations of who the other person was, the marriage can be annulled.

Marriage by force

A marriage is only legal if it is entered willingly and with consent by two legal adults. If one or the other parties were forced or threatened into the marriage, it could be annulled.

Mental illness

If there is any proof that mental illness played a role in the decision-making leading up to the divorce, you may have grounds for annulment. In this case, you may need support from a licensed mental health professional or therapist to prove you were unable to make a sound decision regarding marriage at the time.

However, it’s worth noting that mental health issues can play a role in the terms of child custody and visitation agreements. So, if you have children and are pursuing an annulment, citing you were not mentally sound at the time you were married, we highly advise seeking legal help beforehand to protect your rights as a parent.

Physical inability to consummate the marriage

If either party cannot physically consummate the marriage, it may qualify for annulment. This cause for annulment is less common now but still happens when a couple practices celibacy (with one or both parties believing intercourse is possible after marriage). If one or both are physically unable to consummate the marriage, the contract is void.

The exception to this rule would be if you knew that your partner was physically unable to consummate the marriage, and you chose to marry them anyway. In this case, the judge may not grant an annulment and may direct you to file a divorce instead.

Some Grounds For Annulment Have No Statute Of Limitations

In a few cases, your marriage is considered null and void, no matter what. While this can be viewed as an “annulment,” the law considers the marriage as never having been legal in the first place. That said, one or both parties must file an annulment to finalize the removal of their marriage license and marriage certificate from the public record.

Examples of marriages that are not legally recognized by the courts include:

Marrying someone who’s already legally married

If your spouse was legally married to someone else and you didn’t know it, you can file for annulment to erase the record of your marriage. If your partner legally divorces their original spouse, you can remarry.

Bigamy (multiple husbands/wives)

In some ways, this is the same as marrying someone already legally married. However, in the first case, the second spouse doesn’t know their partner is already married.

Bigamy is different because the second and any succeeding partners know their partner is married, but they choose to get married anyway. The practice of bigamy is still illegal in the United States court system. So, the second and any succeeding husbands/wives are never considered legal spouses in the family court’s eyes.

If the second and succeeding marriage(s) was never filed through the legal court system (fraudulent), then no annulment is required. If, however, those marriages were filed, an annulment would be pursued if any of the successive spouses wanted to get out of the marriage and erase any legal record of their participation. Again, if you had children within a bigamy arrangement, we recommend seeking advice from a legal professional before proceeding with the annulment.

One party thought their spouse was dead

This is not considered bigamy or a deception. In this case, a person truly thought their first spouse was dead. However, if the supposedly dead person emerges from hiding or regains memory after a lapse in memory, the first marriage is still legal, and the second marriage is considered never legal.

Depending on the situation, the most recent marriage can be annulled, and a divorce from the original spouse can be pursued. If the original spouse doesn’t want a divorce and refuses to agree, you can still pursue that divorce and legally remarry the second spouse again.

The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone Can Help You With Your Annulment

Are you interested in pursuing an annulment in the Bay Area? The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone can help. We focus on mediation as a way to de-escalate complicated terminations of marriage. We can also help you file for annulment and navigate the terms of your child custody and visitation agreements if you had a child within the annulment statute of limitations.

When Do You Need A Paternity Lawyer?

when do you need a paternity lawyer

California has very clear laws about parental responsibilities, including child support, for biological or adopted children. A family law or paternity attorney is always recommended if:

Someone claims you are the father of a child, but you don’t believe you are.
You suspect you are the father, and the mother is denying your parental rights.
Your relationship with the child(ren)’s mother is contentious or combative, and you want to set clear guidelines and legally binding agreements in the future.

Benefits Of Hiring A Family Law Attorney Or Paternity Lawyer

The longer you wait to hire a family lawyer and resolve any potential paternity conflicts, the better. Here are some of the many benefits of hiring a paternity lawyer for professional and objective support.

Support your child’s emotional well-being

First and foremost, creating a clear path to establishing paternity (or the lack thereof) is essential to your child’s emotional well-being. In most cases, paternity cases occur when the child is in the first one to two years of life. Even so, children are significantly impacted by any anger, drama, strain, or tension between the adults in their lives.

In some cases, this may mean that you are out of the loop because the paternity test proved you were not the father. In other cases, we’ll help you move forward by honoring your legal and emotional obligations for a healthy relationship with your child. If you find out you are the father of an older child, consider working with a family therapist to help you bond and work through challenging emotions as they arise.

Use child custody mediation instead of a trial

Child custody battles are costly on every front: financially, energetically, and emotionally. They should be avoided if at all possible. Pursuing child custody mediation is a very affordable way for you and the child’s other parent to navigate all of the current decisions – and to help you both create longer-term co-parenting agreements (See #5) in a calm, straightforward way. Plus, working with a mediator can save you thousands of dollars.

Working with a neutral, third-party family law mediator ensures you both have all of the information you need, along with experienced insight into how a judge would likely decide things in the courtroom. Thus, you can navigate the child support, custody, visitation, and other legal agreements as efficiently and drama-free as possible.

Get clear and current with financial child support responsibilities

California family law courts take a very black-and-white approach when it comes to child custody. If you are the father – whether you knew about it or not – you are responsible for child support payments. Period.

This includes back payment for the time between when the child was born and the present. You should know that back child support payments in CA are charged at 10% interest by the state, and that is payable to the custodial parent. Not clarifying what you owe and how to pay it is one of the biggest child support mistakes you can make.

Time is of the essence here. With the support of a paternity attorney, we can work with you to complete the CA child support calculator (and legally obtain the other parent’s financial records if they’re not cooperating) so you can begin taking care of your financial responsibility.

In cases where fathers find out months or even years later that they are fathers, a timely response yields a more favorable view from the judges. This can help you when it’s time to craft child custody and visitation schedules.

Create legal child custody and visitation agreements

The courts are very supportive of both parents having ample time with their children, whether they were married or in a relationship with the other parent or not. Having legal child custody agreements and visitation schedules is essential. It creates the scaffold for predictability, consistency, and routine for the child. Of course, life happens and there may be variances that are agreed upon (always get them in writing via email or text record) but that court schedule should serve as the foundation for collaborative co-parenting.

NOTE: If you feel the safety of the child is in question as the result of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse OR due to substance abuse/mental health issues, your family law or paternity lawyer can also help you file an emergency child custody order to protect your child’s best interests.

Set the stage for positive (or at least neutral) co-parenting

It’s not easy co-parenting with another adult, especially as the adults move on with their lives. However, all of the studies prove that adults who can rise above the conflicts/tension, focusing on the child’s well-being and smooth co-parenting exponentially benefit their child.

Children with parents who get along or at least cooperate around their child’s lives:

Do better in school.
Have reduced risks of depression, anxiety, or behavioral issues.
Form healthier and more stable relationships with their peers.
Sleep better.
Are more confident and have a better sense of self.
Never feel torn between being loyal or protective of either parent.

Your paternity attorney can help you work with the child’s other parent to create co-parenting agreements that outline the preferred methods of communication, child support payments, vacation notice, etc.

The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone Can Support Your Paternity Process

Contact the law office of Gerard A. Falzone to learn more about how we can support you as you establish paternity and begin navigating the legal paperwork and filing associated with child support, custody, and visitation. We’ve spent the last 40 years helping Bay Area parents create co-parenting plans that support everyone’s well-being without the drama and trauma typically associated with these types of scenarios.

What Is Supervised Visitation?

what is supervised visitation Most people think about child custody and visitation schedules as every other weekend, alternating holidays, or the division of school vacation times. However, there is another version of the child custody agreement where one parent has sole physical custody of a child while the other parent is granted supervised visits.

Family Law Expert Explains Child Custody & Supervised Visitation

Supervised visits can take place in a variety of locations, but they are limited in time and require that a neutral third party be present while the non-custodial parent is present (more on that below). They are typically ordered in child custody cases where the non-custodial parent’s “fitness” is questionable or has conditional stipulations.

When To Seek Supervised Visits

Judges are most likely to order supervised child visits when:

The parent has a known substance abuse issue.
There are allegations/history of domestic violence or child abuse.
There are allegations or a history of domestic violence.
The court believes there is a child abduction risk.
There is a history of unmanaged mental illness that compromises their ability to parent safely.
The parent is guilty of child neglect (which can include an extended absence of the parent from a child’s life, in which case the court grants supervised visits for a specific length of time to help the child feel safer in the parent’s presence).
Any reason a judge feels could pose a threat to the child during unsupervised visits.

Keep in mind that you cannot keep your child away from a parent because you feel they are dangerous. If that is the case, it’s essential that you contact your county family law courts or a reputable family attorney to file an emergency child custody and visitation order.

Who Qualifies As A Neutral Provider During Supervised Visitation Sessions?

California’s family law courts are very flexible about who is designated as the “neutral” provider who supervises the visit, but specific conditions must be met. If those aren’t met by someone you or the child knows, the court assigns a social worker, and their reasonable fee is paid for by the non-custodial parent (free and low-cost options are available for income-qualifying parents).

If the court orders supervised child visits, you can decide whether you have a qualifying non-professional provider willing to do the job (this is often more comfortable for the child) or whether a professional provider would be best.

The role of the neutral supervisor is to:

Make safety their top priority during the visit or exchange.
Speak the same language as the parents and child.
Be neutral
Be comfortable following the judge’s order.
Feel comfortable ending a visit if needed.

They also agree to:

Be present at all times during the visit.
Listen to what is being said.
Pay close attention to the child’s behavior.
Report any suspected child abuse.
Feel comfortable interrupting or ending the visit if they have concerns.

Because nonprofessional providers don’t have the same training as professionals, we don’t recommend using one if you believe your child is in physical danger or could be abducted during a visit – even with the neutral provider present. In that case, a professional provider is a better option.

Nonprofessional providers

Non-professional providers can be any trusted family member or friend who:

Is over 18 years of age.
Has NO record of child abuse, molestation, or any crime against another person.
Has not been on parole or probation for the past 10 years.
Has reviewed the child custody agreement and understands the responsibility and how to carry out their role.
Does not create any antagonism, negative engagement, confrontation, or angst toward the child’s non-custodial parent.
Must complete Form FL-324(NLP) and return it to the custodial parent to file with the court.

They should also read and familiarize themselves with the CA court’s Guide For Non-Professional Providers, which has a wealth of helpful information.

Professional Providers

If a suitable nonprofessional option is unavailable, the judge can assign a professional provider. These providers have been trained for the task and know how to handle sticky or potentially dangerous situations.

Professional providers may require payment if the non-custodial parent doesn’t qualify for free or low-cost options.

How Long Are Supervised Visits With Children?

The length of visits varies depending on:

The age of the child.
Work/school schedules.
Availability of the provider.

In addition to the child’s comfort, safety, and well-being, parents should always focus on quality over quantity. It’s much better to schedule shorter visits filled with fun bonding activities than to plan a longer visit where a child grows bored, restless, or anxious. These visits are all about building trust and strong, loving relationships.

When Can More Traditional Unsupervised Visitation Begin?

There’s no easy answer to this question and the court is the ultimate deciding factor here.

Sometimes, the court stipulates specific conditions that must be met by the non-custodial parent, after which unsupervised visitation commences. This is very common in situations where addiction or substance abuse is the most concerning factor. Once the parent has completed things like rehab, established a sponsor, and regularly attends a sobriety program (like AA or NA), they may automatically resume a pre-determined visitation schedule assigned by the court.

In other cases, the non-custodial parent may have to petition the court to request changes to the child custody agreement. Again, they are responsible for proving to the court that they are fit enough to have unsupervised visits or to have more traditional, extended visits with their child.

Use Child Mediation To Avoid Scenarios Leading To Supervised Child Visitation

A history of domestic abuse or child endangerment is one thing, but sometimes, it is the toxicity between divorcing adults that leads to a temporary supervised visitation schedule. And, while it might seem like vindictive punishment to the parent who’s lost custody, it’s more harmful to the child or children who are stripped of yet another element that brought them a sense of security and stability in their lives.

The more couples can do to prioritize their children’s mental and emotional health, including using divorce mediation or collaborative divorce options, the less likely one or the other is to make rash decisions that lead to unhealthy outcomes for the children and family.

The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone are committed to keeping divorces as straightforward as possible, minimizing toxic contention, stress, and drama. Contact us to learn more about how we help Bay Area couples get through their divorces while prioritizing everyone’s well-being.

Grandparents’ Rights In Divorce & Custody Cases

grandparents rights in divorce custody cases

There are so many considerations when planning to divorce and navigating child custody in a way that keeps the children’s best interests at heart. One of the most overlooked aspects of any divorce is the grandparents’ roles after the divorce. Clients often ask:

Do grandparents have visitation or custody rights?
Can grandparents be granted full or part-time custody?
Should grandparent visits be part of the child custody and visitation agreement?
Can a grandparent be legally denied visitation with a child?

If you are a grandparent or you are concerned your spouse may not uphold visitation with grandparents after a divorce, schedule a consultation with a family law specialist ASAP.

Steps To Protect Grandparents’ Visitation (Or Custody) Rights After A Divorce

Every situation is different, so consulting with a lawyer is critical if you want legal documents specifying anything related to grandparent custody or visitation. As with step-parents, there is nothing inherently automatic about visitation rights for grandparents – even if they’ve been a regular part of the children’s lives.

If these decisions aren’t made during the divorce proceedings, paperwork can be filed after the fact, but this is not advised. To protect the children’s best interests, these decisions should be made and legally documented – or decided by the courts – during the divorce proceedings so everyone can move forward afterward.

Schedule a consultation with a family law mediator

First, we recommend scheduling consultations with a family law mediator. Mediators are licensed family law attorneys who use a fee-based schedule, prioritizing the ease, efficiency, and cost-effectiveness of keeping divorce proceedings out of the contentious courtroom.

Research shows that the emotional and mental well-being of children (and adults) improves when divorces are as respectful and amicable as possible. Your mediator can help you establish sound, sensible guidelines for incorporating grandparent visits and traditions into the child custody and visitation agreement to take that worry off the table.

Petition for visitation rights

If one spouse or the other is hedging for some reason, grandparents have the right to petition for visitation rights through the courts. In this case, the courts review everyone’s input and information and make their decision. This is only the case if parents are never married, are separated or divorced, and do not live in the same home. If parents are married and live together, grandparents cannot usually petition the court for visitation (there are exceptions, but your attorney can work through them with you if that scenario applies to you).

Not surprisingly, the court’s focus is always on the children’s best interests. When reviewing the petition, they’ll consider multiple factors:

The children’s age
Children’s wishes (the older the child, the more the child respects their opinion and input).
Historical visitation and relationship scenarios. For example, if the children have always spent time with grandparents during the summer, gone to weekly or monthly meals/overnights, or shared holiday or birthday traditions – these types of things are typically viewed as healthy to maintain. The court is likely to make that part of their ruling.
The child’s relationship with their custodial parent(s) or guardian(s).
A parent’s opposition to visitation (any indication of abuse, travel issues, historical conflicts that impact a child’s well-being at a grandparent’s home, etc.).

In addition to the children’s well-being, courts pay special attention when a parent intentionally blocks visitation. The court prioritizes parental rights and weighs parental input heavily. They’ll listen carefully to the current and historical evidence, and decide accordingly.

Ultimately, as the CA Family Law Court states on its website:

…the judge can only order reasonable visitation if they find that there’s an existing bond between grandparents and child and the child’s best interest outweighs the opposing parent’s rights.

Grandparents as legal guardians

Then, there is the scenario where grandparents feel their grandchild(ren)’s wellbeing is at risk with either parent. In this case, grandparents have the right to petition for legal guardianship. While there is a difference in the forms you complete and file with the court.

In this case, it’s the grandparent(s)’ responsibility to prove that the child’s health, well-being, and safety are in danger with either parent. This may be due to a history of abuse or addiction or because a mental or physical health issue makes it impossible for the parent to care for the child properly.

If there is any way you can get the parents to agree to the guardianship, we highly encourage this route. A family law mediator is your best asset in mediating conversations, highlighting the court’s standard views on varying scenarios, and presenting ideas around guardianship, visitation, etc., based on our experience with other families.

In the case mediation isn’t an option, consult with a family law attorney specializing in guardianship to ensure you have all of the evidence required to support and strengthen your case. If parents oppose the petition for guardianship, you want to hire the best lawyer you can afford, as these trials are awful for the children. You want the best resolution possible, as quickly as possible, to minimize the impact on the children.

Learn More About Grandparent Visitation At The Law Offices Of Gerard Falzone

Are you worried your child’s divorce will affect your relationship with a grandchild? As parents, are you interested in putting grandparent visitation stipulations into the child custody and visitation agreements? Or, are you a grandparent interested in pursuing legal guardianship of your grandchild(ren)?

Contact the Law Offices of Gerard Falzone and schedule a consultation. Our offices always prioritize mediation and collaborative methods, focusing on keeping the stress, contention, and unnecessary costs out of the divorce and child custody proceedings.

The Importance Of Communication In Co-Parenting After A Divorce

the importance of communication in co-parenting after a divorce Co-parenting is never easy and is particularly challenging during and after a heated divorce. However, your children are innocent victims, and experts are unwaveringly clear that healthy co-parenting is the key to protecting your children’s mental and emotional well-being.

There is no excuse for anything other than prioritizing the children’s best interests and making healthy co-parenting a priority. This means keeping children-first co-parenting communication at the forefront of all you do before, during, and after your divorce.

Healthy Co-Parenting After A Divorce Is Essential To Your Child’s Wellbeing

Studies prove time and time again that divorces make children more prone to:

Anxiety
Depression
Lower self-esteem and insecurity
Academic struggles
Behavioral issues
Developing substance abuse issues

Putting your children’s well-being first during your divorce goes a long way toward making children feel more safe, seen, heard, and loved.

5 Tips For Healthy Co-Parenting Communication

After more than 30 years of helping families navigate divorce proceedings in the smoothest way possible and with the least harm done, I’ve seen firsthand how crucial co-parenting communication is for childhood health and well-being in both the short and long term.

Here are my tips for healthy co-parenting communication during and after a divorce.

Prioritize mediation or collaborative divorce procedures

Do all you can to use divorce mediation and avoid lengthy, drawn-out disputes whenever possible. The longer you are in limbo, the more stressful it is for your children. If mediation isn’t working, then look for collaborative divorce attorneys so you benefit from individual representation but with a unified goal of minimizing contention, disputes, or other stressful scenarios that trickle down onto the kids.

You do not “lose out” in any way when pursuing mediation or collaboration. In all of the proceedings I’ve facilitated, clients are ultimately grateful that – in addition to saving thousands of dollars – their divorce was finalized faster, with more integrity, and with less extended drama on the home front.

Use the same family therapist and continue going

The idea that a divorce is a final ending is a myth – especially if you have children. The legal marriage may have ended, but your role as your children’s father and mother (or step-parent) never ends. In other words, you owe it to your children to create a new version of your family – and one in which they can feel as comfortable as possible in one home, the other, or at joint celebrations and extracurricular activities.

Maybe therapy didn’t work to save your marriage. Still, I can guarantee the right therapist can save your new, co-parenting family while supporting everyone’s emotional health and resilience in a very new family structure. Using the same therapist is invaluable. It keeps stories unified, and by getting to know each parent’s (or their partner’s) dynamics, your children’s needs and wants are better honored and facilitated. Your divorce mediation or collaborative attorney can provide you with a list of their recommended therapists.

Honor the final divorce agreement as soon as possible

While your marriage is legally dissolved six months after filing the Dissolution of Marriage, most divorce agreements have a “list of things to do” and a timeline to get them done. It’s not uncommon for some (or all) of these to sit on the backburner because both parties experience post-divorce proceeding fatigue.

However, the longer you avoid what needs to be done after a divorce, the more likely it is to become part of your children’s experience. They’ll sense your stress, overhear you talking about things to family and friends, or listen to you or your ex-spouse talking about the other person (a HUGE no-no in co-parenting). Equally harmful, children may witness the two of you arguing or fighting like you used to – even though the divorce is final. In which case, they understandably wonder why you bothered divorcing in the first place, adding to their emotional confusion.

Take action and clear up all loose ends ASAP to keep co-parenting channels as clear as possible.

Never disrespect your ex-spouse or talk about their child custody/visitation failures

This is not easy. Not by a long shot. However, speaking poorly or disrespectfully about your spouse to your children (even older teenagers or young adults) is emotionally toxic. Even if your children speak ill of them, it’s best to remain silent – supporting your child’s feelings but never participating in parent bashing.

Similarly, avoid the temptation to tell children parts of the story that are not their business – like their parent isn’t paying what they owe in child support, is not honoring their child custody agreement, etc. These do nothing but cause pain for your child. Your job is to listen to and honor your child’s feelings without contributing to co-parenting slander. I guarantee that if you do this, your children will be forever grateful to you.

Take advantage of co-parenting apps

Having a hard time speaking to your ex-spouse? This is not uncommon, especially in the earlier days after the divorce. Hopefully, time, self-awareness, and diligent emotional work should ease that a bit. In the meantime, several co-parenting apps are worth their proverbial weight in gold when it comes to everything from child visitation schedules, extra-curricular calendars, or other reminders that are part of every family dynamic – married or divorced. Other helpful features include photo sharing, digital files for important medical/health/insurance info, etc.

A few of our client’s favorite co-parenting apps are:

Our Family Wizard.
Cozi (this wasn’t initially a co-parenting app, but many divorced couples appreciate its functions, including the ability to add older children, grandparents, or other primary caregivers).
2 Houses.
Many others are available online.

Having one spot for all of this helps to mitigate the amount of time spent communicating/arguing about who told each other what OR the “who does more” in the emotional labor department – which can bring the past right back into your laps… precisely what you don’t want after a divorce is final.

The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone Offers Mediation for Better Co-Parenting

Our Bay Area family law offices are 100% dedicated to making divorces as stress-free and integrity-rich as possible. This includes a deep dedication to minimizing any negative effects on our clients’ children. Contact the Law Offices of Gerard A Falzone to begin moving forward.

Let us help you navigate your divorce – no matter how challenging – in a way that keeps family first and supports the importance of communication in co-parenting after a divorce.

Collaborative Divorce: An Alternative To Divorce Litigation

collaborative divorce an alternative to divorce litigation Typically we advocate for divorce mediation as an affordable and less stressful alternative to a courtroom battle. However, sometimes couples feel they need their own representation rather than that of a divorce mediator; in that case, we recommend learning more about collaborative divorces.

Collaborative divorce is an alternative to divorce litigation, which can be draining financially and emotionally. Also, we highly advise staying out of a courtroom/litigation if you have children.

The Basics Of A Collaborative Divorce

With mediation, a lawyer is a neutral party hired by two people to work through their divorce. If there are areas of contention or debate, or feelings/emotions are so high that mediation doesn’t feel like it will work, a collaborative divorce is the next best option.

With this divorce, each party hires their own lawyer so they feel their interests are fully represented. However, rather than meeting in a courtroom before a judge (which wastes thousands of dollars via legal billing and courtroom fees), the individuals and lawyers meet together to work through the divorce settlement agreements, including any child custody, visitation, or support terms.

Another unique feature of a collaborative divorce proceeding is that both parties – and their lawyers – agree ahead of time that they will not resort to litigation. If one or both parties change their minds and decide to pursue litigation, they must find new lawyers to continue.

Finally, many collaborative divorce proceedings involve a neutral team of experts, including marriage and family therapists, financial planners, and divorce coaches depending on the client’s situation. All of these professionals are dedicated to keeping the process as efficient and stress-free as possible.

Benefits of a Collaborative Divorce vs. Divorce Litigation

There are multiple benefits of pursuing collaborative divorce over courtroom litigation.

Collaborative divorces are better for your children & family

Mediation or collaboration should be the only option if any minor children are involved. Lawyers specializing in collaborative divorces are dedicated to supporting the emotional health of everyone – especially children.

Numerous studies show the more contentious divorce proceedings, the harder it is for children. Divorce is harmful to young children and almost always takes an emotional toll. Even in the most equitable divorce, children report feeling anxious, less confident, and sad. They also experience challenges at school. Supporting your children’s and step-children’s well-being is a top priority in a collaborative divorce.

We also recommend reading our post, 5 Tips For Helping Children Cope With Divorce.

You’ll save thousands of dollars

Collaborative divorces cost more than mediation but significantly less than the average divorce litigation process. According to Nolo, the average cost of a traditional divorce ranges from $15,000 to $26,000 – and that’s outside of the courtroom. Cases that go to court cost an average of $25,000 or more.

Collaborative divorce aims to make fair and equitable decisions across the board, with the well-being of any children at the core, and to complete the proceedings as swiftly as possible. Experts state that the average collaborative divorce costs about $10,000 to $15,000 – but those fees are split between parties.

The proceedings are confidential

Divorce court is a public arena. Everything that is said or happens there becomes part of the public record. Divorce mediation and collaboration are handled in confidential offices and conference rooms, so your personal information is only exposed to the lawyers or other professionals comprising the collaborative team. All of them are sworn to uphold confidentiality.

The goal is to minimize interpersonal conflict and emotional strain

Unfortunately, the family law courtroom has become a hotbed of drama, conflict, and emotional strain, and that is part of why it takes such a huge toll on those who participate in that realm – lawyers included.

The overarching goal of divorce collaboration is to ease the interpersonal conflict and emotional strain as much as possible so you can both move forward with your lives. Lawyers specializing in collaborative divorce know that things will get heated in certain moments, and they’re experienced at de-escalating heated emotions and redirecting the conversation positively and productively – including taking breaks whenever necessary.

How To Choose A Collaborative Divorce Attorney

Hiring an experienced collaborative divorce team is the key to a successful collaborative divorce. Not all divorce attorneys choose to practice collaborative divorce because some appreciate the higher billing potential available through more traditional, litigation-based proceedings.

To choose the best collaborative divorce attorney:

Look for Bay Area lawyers who specialize or solely practice using mediation or collaborative methods.
Take advantage of free consultations with at least three to five lawyers or collaborative teams before deciding which is best for you.
Use consultations to learn more about the process. They can be especially educational in helping you prepare for your first real session with your collaborative divorce layers.
Ask for recent client referrals to learn more about how the process was for them. We do not recommend relying on online reviews when searching for family law professionals. Word of mouth is more trustworthy.
Choose a lawyer with experience in any unique circumstances you may have, such as making decisions around child visitation and child custody in blended families, when a family business is part of the decision-making, etc.

Contact The Law Offices Of Gerard A. Falzone & Work For A Collaborative Divorce Process

Are you interested in saving money while also moving through a divorce as painlessly as possible? The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone has worked for more than 30 years to keep personal conflicts to a minimum and is not interested in facilitating courtroom battles.

We exclusively handle mediation and collaborative divorce proceedings. Contact us to schedule a consultation and determine whether or not we’re a good fit for you.

Understanding The Divorce Process: A Step-By-Step Guide

understanding the divorce process a step by step guide The more you understand and prepare for the divorce process, the more streamlined it can be. This guide serves as a basic guide as you move forward with your divorce process. If two people can come to general agreements around key areas, it makes the entire divorce move more efficiently – and affordably.

In most cases, it’s the roller coaster ride of emotions that makes a divorce complex. That’s especially true when children are involved, or one person wants to get divorced while the other doesn’t. Infidelity or hidden habits/debts are additional reasons that divorces become contentious.

Quick Guide To The Divorce Process

This guide is designed to support the black-and-white “business” of divorce, which is made easier because California is both a no-fault divorce and a community property state. In other words, much of the divorce outcome is already decided by the family law court system. It’s just a matter of getting it onto paper, filing it through the legal channels, and moving forward from there.

Easier said than done, right? We hope that by reviewing the following steps, you’re prepared to move forward with a divorce to keep it as streamlined and angst-free as possible and out of the courtroom. There is a dramatic difference between using a divorce mediator and/or moving forward in a collaborative divorce scenario and battling in court – and the latter is significantly more costly in terms of financial health, emotional well-being, and what’s in the best interest of your children.

Step One: Schedule a consultation with a divorce mediator

The first step is to schedule a pre-divorce session with a divorce mediator or lawyer specializing in collaborative divorces. Divorce mediation and collaborative divorces are both designed to support two people in navigating their divorce with the least amount of duress possible.

This one meeting, always fee-based, is a simple way to learn more about the paperwork required to move forward and how to organize your assets, debts, wishes, etc. We can also discuss any children in the mix and different options for handling child custody, visitation, and financial support.

Note: If you have step-children and they have a close relationship with you/your spouse, now is the time to discuss how to move forward with them. Consider legal paperwork outlining visitation parameters to keep those familial bonds intact, as that’s almost always in the child’s best interest.

Step Two: Schedule sessions with a therapist

If you aren’t seeing a therapist already, now is an excellent time to start. Weekly or every-other-week sessions provide the emotional support you need through the process. Also, your therapist knows that studies prove individuals and children fare best the less toxic the divorce proceedings are. By having a place to vent your emotional frustrations, anger, grief, etc., you can bring your highest self forward as you navigate the nuts and bolts of divorce proceedings.

If you have children, we strongly suggest providing family therapy. All children have a tough time, even in the smoothest and most collaborative of divorces. Regular sessions with a therapist support their well-being too.

Step Three: Consider legal separation if you’re “not quite sure”

If you are 100% sure you are getting divorced, then legal separation doesn’t make sense. However, many couples reach a point where they can’t imagine proceeding as things are – but they aren’t sure they want to make a permanent decision.

Divorce is a final step, so sometimes the right amount of space is necessary to re-group, work on the issues at hand, and determine whether or not that’s what you want. You can discuss the pros and cons of legal separation during your initial mediation session.

Step Four: Review any prenups

If you had a prenuptial agreement or any property agreements, now is the time to review those. This can help remind you what is already on paper so you can move forward with the rest of the asset/debt separation from there.

Step Five: List all of your assets and debts

As mentioned above, California is a community property state. This means you share all of the debts and assets acquired during the marriage except for heirlooms or gifts made personally to you. And, yes, that also means spouses are responsible for debt they didn’t know their spouse acquired during the marriage.

Your divorce paperwork requires a complete list of all assets and debts, including relevant account numbers, and is typically split 50/50 based on valuation. This division takes place in many forms. It may mean one person keeps the house while the other takes the majority of the retirement accounts. It might mean one person buys the other out to keep the house. It might mean one person takes two cars, and the other gets one, and so on.

If you can work together without contention, that’s always the best way forward, and you can bring those decisions to your final mediation session. Otherwise, we can do it together during mediation. If any discrepancies arise, I simply let you know what the court will most likely decide, and you can continue from there.

Step Six: Determine child custody, visitation, and support

If both of you remain local, and there is no history of serious domestic violence, substance abuse, mental health issues, etc., odds are you’ll have a 50/50 custody agreement with shared visitation and very little to no child support (child support in 50/50 custody agreements is only awarded if there is a significant difference in household incomes such that a child’s quality of life is diminished in one over the other).

If someone moves further away, other custody/visitation agreements should be agreed upon, which will become part of the legal record.

Step Seven: Finalize the divorce

Once all the decisions are made and the paperwork is complete, your divorce mediation lawyer files it with the court. The divorce becomes legal six months from the date it was stamped “Filed.”

Now, it’s time to move forward with all of the post-divorce steps you must take following the divorce agreement’s instructions. If your spouse does not do what was required by the final date, we’ll file a form to that effect, and the courts will handle it with them from there.

Law Offices Of Gerard A. Falzone Facilitates Hassle-Free Divorces

Here at the Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone, we understand emotions are high during the dissolution of a marriage. However, that’s no reason for the divorce to become contentious or for proceedings to make your lives miserable. We work with Bay Area couples, helping them navigate hassle-free divorces, and achieving the best possible outcome for all involved. Contact us to schedule your divorce mediation session.

Child Custody: Supervised Visitation In California

child custody supervised visitation in california In child custody cases, the child’s safety and well-being are the top priority of the family law court. If the judge feels a child’s physical or emotional health is at risk with one of the parents, they may order supervised visitation.

What Is Supervised Visitation?

This means the parent spends time with their child or children in the presence of a neutral third-party – called a “provider.” This person can either participate in the visit (if they have a relationship with the child) or remain close by to witness all of the physical interactions and verbal communication (more on providers below).

Situations That Lead To Supervised Visitation

Most supervised visitation orders occur when the judge knows or suspects the other parent:

Has been absent for most or most of a child’s life, or the child doesn’t have a relationship with the parent yet.
Has an alcohol, drug, or substance abuse problem.
Has a history of physical, verbal, or emotional abuse (domestic violence).
May have mental health issues that negatively impact their judgment and/or parenting decisions.
Is a kidnapping or flight risk.

In most cases, the overarching goal of supervised visits is to provide a safe space for the child and parent to bond and develop a healthy relationship while also providing the supervised parent with a plan for recovery or a structured, step-by-step protocol for gaining unsupervised visitation rights. However, there are times when supervised visits are permanent.

How Long And How Often Are The Visits?

The judge will order the frequency and duration of the visits. Some things govern this order, such as:

The parent’s work schedule.
Availability of the provider.
What seems healthiest and best for the children.
The age and needs of the children.
Any other factors the judge feels are relevant to the order.
The financial ability to pay for a professional provider’s time if that’s part of the order.

Who Can Serve As A Provider?

There are three types of supervised visitation providers: professional, therapeutic, and nonprofessional.

Professional provider

The judge may order a professional provider to supervise the visits in cases of domestic violence or serious mental illness. The provider will use the judge’s order and talk to you and the other parent to learn more about your story and the family history.

These providers are specially trained to handle complex family systems and how to interact and mitigate any negative impact on the child if something goes wrong during the visit. These providers typically work for an hourly fee, paid for by the non-custodial parent.

Therapeutic provider

Sometimes the judge might specify that a therapeutic provider is needed. This is likely if the supervised parent has a mental illness. You may also benefit from a therapeutic provider in cases where the relationship between the child and the non-custodial parent is dysfunctional, ruptured, or nonexistent.

Then, the therapeutic provider serves in a counseling capacity, helping the parent and child to nurture a healthy relationship, learn how to communicate, and may even support the parent in learning and practicing healthy parenting skills. As with a professional provider, therapeutic providers typically charge a fee paid for by the non-custodial parent.

Non-professional provider

In other cases, the judge may state a nonprofessional provider will suffice. This person will not have any training and is typically a trusted family member or friend. However, the court has strict guidelines about non-professional provider qualifications, including things like:

Being at least 21 years old.
No record of a DUI conviction in the past five years.
Holding a valid driver’s license, registered car, and insurance.
No record of a conviction for child molestation, child abuse, or other crimes against a person.
Not having civil, criminal, or juvenile restraining orders within the last ten years.
And the list goes on.

You can Click Here to learn more about the California Family Law Court’s laws and codes governing supervised visits and the roles/expectations of providers.

When can you stop having supervised visits?

Once supervised visits are court-ordered, that order remains in place under the terms of the order. In some cases, there may be stipulations – like the non-custodial parent must show proof of certain things (sobriety and regular participation in a recovery program or completing a series of anger management classes, etc.). Once the non-custodial parent submits the proof asked for by the court, the court may issue a new visitation order.

Throughout the duration of the court order, the custodial parent must comply with the supervised visitation schedule. If the custodial parent wants to cease supervised visitation for any reason – whether to end visits altogether or to allow the non-custodial parent to have unsupervised visits, they must file a request for modification through the court.

In the meantime, the current order remains in place and must be honored. If you believe the visits are doing more harm than good for your child, we recommend working with a family law attorney. You’ll have to provide very specific evidence or proof before a court considers terminating visitation rights altogether.

Do Supervised Visits Continue If The Non-Custodial Parent Doesn’t Pay Child Support?

There is absolutely no connection between child support payments and child visitation orders. If the non-custodial parent is in arrears (the term for skipping payments or making incomplete payments), you’ll need to pursue that through the family law courts. They’ll work with the non-custodial parent to issue payments, even if that means garnishing wages, freezing bank accounts, or even suspending their driver’s license or passport privileges.

Regardless, the current child custody and visitation order remains in place, and lack of payment never alters that.

The Law Offices Of Gerard A. Falzone Can Help Establish Healthy Supervised Visitation

Do you feel supervised visitations are essential to the health and well-being of your child? Or do you feel the custodial parent is exaggerating and that supervised visitation is unfair in your situation? The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone is here to help. We’ll listen to your situation and make recommendations on how to confidently move forward with the safety, health, and well-being of your children as the top priority. Contact us to schedule a consultation.