The divorce rate in the United States reached a 40-year low in 2015. Divorce is still quite common throughout the country, though.

If you’re currently going through or considering a divorce, it’s easy to feel like you’re alone.

It’s true that every divorce is different. But, many of them stem from similar causes. Understanding the most common reasons for divorce can help you feel less alone during this difficult process.

Read on to learn more about the main reasons couples choose to end their marriages.

1. Infidelity Is One of the Top Reasons for Divorce

In the United States, approximately 17 percent of couples cite adultery (by one or both parties) as the reason for their divorce.

Men and women both commit adultery for a variety of reasons, and infidelity can occur at any point during a relationship. The likelihood that at least one partner will be unfaithful increases during the following periods:

• After the first year of marriage, when the “honeymoon period” ends
• After the first child is born
• During the 5th to 7th year of marriage
• During middle age when children are grown

Infidelity rates are currently on the rise. This is due in part to the fact that the internet and social media have made it easier to connect and form relationships.

2. Money

Differing financial goals are another one of the main reasons for divorce. In fact, a lack of financial compatibility is a greater contributor to divorce than a lack of money.

40 percent of divorced couples say that incompatible financial views were the main cause of their divorce. If one partner is frugal and the other enjoys spending, it’s highly likely that a couple will experience problems.

That being said, financial stress can still contribute to marital problems and divorce. This is especially true is the husband is unemployed. According to a report published in the American Journal of Sociology, men who are unemployed are more likely than women to leave the relationship.

3. Lack of Communication

Many couples begin their marriage with good communication skills. But, over time, they get busy, grow apart, and don’t know how to talk to their partner.

A recent study surveyed 886 individual divorcing parents. Of this group, 55 percent cited “growing apart” as the reason for their divorce, and 53 percent said that they were “not able to talk together.”

An inability to communicate can take various forms. Some couples will notice that they’re arguing more frequently, while others will simply not speak at all.

4. Addiction

Addiction puts a lot of financial and emotional strain on a relationship. Individuals with addictions are more likely to participate in other problematic behaviors, including lying, stealing, and adultery.

As a result, 7.3 percent of marriages end in divorce because of drug or alcohol addiction.

Even after seeking help from rehab programs or support groups, many couples are unable to reconcile if one partner struggles with addiction.

5. Lack of intimacy

A lack of intimacy is another common contributor to divorce. In addition to a decrease in sexual intimacy, many couples also cite a lack of general physical contact (hugs, kisses, holding hands, etc.) as a reason for choosing to end their marriage.

Couples see the intimacy in their relationship wane for several reasons, including the births of their children and mental health issues.

75 percent of survey respondents who described their marriage as lacking intimacy said that they’re unhappy about the current situation. 50 percent also said that they wouldn’t have married their partner if they knew that intimacy would decline over time.

However, only 33 percent said they consider leaving their marriage because of a lack of intimacy.

It may not be the biggest reason on its own, but a decrease in intimacy could lead to adultery or other problems that rank higher on the list of reasons for divorce.

Tips for Making It Through the Divorce Process

No matter what a couple’s reasons for divorce are, the process is almost always stressful. But, you can significantly mitigate that stress and have a smooth divorce by taking the following steps:

Consider Mediation

Legal mediation is often preferable to going through a court case. It is less stressful, make negotiations easier, and is faster and less expensive than going to court.

Mediation is especially easier for couples who have children and want to make the process easier for them.

Know When to Let Go

It’s important for both parties to pick their battles when going through a divorce. They should work to establish a fair settlement. But, both partners should avoid getting hung up on “winning” and fighting over small amounts of money.

Hiding money in secret accounts or selling off assets is especially problematic and will just make the divorce harder for everyone involved.

It’s also essential for both parties to manage their expectations around things like division of property and custody.

It’s unlikely that everyone will be totally satisfied with the outcome of these aspects of the divorce. But, knowing when to concede and move forward will help everyone — especially children — get through the process easier.

Find a Qualified Attorney

Choosing a qualified divorce attorney can make the process much easier. Take your time interviewing attorneys and look for one who communicates and well and seems to have your best interests in mind.

Some other things to keep in mind when making your decision include:

• Experience and specialization
• Type of client they typically represent
• Hourly rate and retainer
• Access to resources like parenting coordinators and financial experts
• Trial record and court success history

When you’re meeting with potential divorce attorneys, you should also be on the lookout for red flags. Some common ones include sharing confidential information about other cases or appearing distracted by phone calls and emails.

Looking for a Divorce Lawyer?

If you live in or around the San Rafael, CA, and are considering a divorce, contact us at the Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone today. We offer a free phone consultation, and we’ll help you as you go through the challenges of a divorce.

According to the U.S. Census, around 41% of marriages end in divorce.

But despite the prevalence of divorce cases, each situation is unique and often difficult to navigate.

Doing a DIY divorce may seem like the way to save some money and reduce stress. But there are some very important reasons that you shouldn’t divorce without a lawyer.

Let’s explore 8 of them.

You Don’t Know the Laws

That’s not an insult. What you don’t know regarding divorce law can really hurt you.

Your friend who went through a divorce might give you advice. You might do some extensive research on the Internet.

But this isn’t a substitute for legal advice. Laws change. Something very small could make or break your case.

Divorce without a lawyer is like having surgery without a doctor. It’s just not in your best interest to try to tackle this alone.

You Despise Paperwork

Getting a divorce without a lawyer means you get to do all the paperwork. And it can feel like Mt. Everest sometimes.

You’ll need to read and understand some very complex agreements before signing. Some of it takes meticulous review and response. There will be tasks to complete before you ever see a judge.

Paperwork is just part of the deal. We don’t like it either. But we do it because we want the best outcomes for our clients.

You Don’t Like Disorganization

You may be great at real estate, healthcare, teaching, roofing or whatever your profession is. But trying to do something that you’ve never done before can create a lot of extra work for yourself.

You’ll be trying to learn new things. At the same time, you’re expected to put them into practice.

But you don’t have to go through a divorce without a lawyer. A lawyer will simplify the process, reducing stress on you, your children and everyone involved.

What Seems Equal May Not Always Be Equal

You want a very amicable divorce. We commend you for trying to work things out in an agreeable way. What may seem to be a 50/50 split at first glance, may put you at a great disadvantage financially later.

A few years after a divorce without a lawyer, this may be very clear to you. But at that point, it’s already done.

A lawyer will factor in everything. They’ll run the numbers. And they consider the less obvious but important variables. They then work to reach a fair division based upon the circumstances of the individual case.

Divorce Can Be an Emotional Roller Coaster

A lawyer isn’t a replacement for a therapist. But they can help you through the emotional ups and downs.

Some divorces can inflict a lot of trauma on a person. Anger, shame, resentment, sadness, jealousy; we’ve seen it all.

A lawyer will help you manage this emotional battery by giving you the confidence you need to get through the tough times.

You Want What’s Best for Your Children

Children can be severely traumatized by divorce cases.

Children of divorce are more likely to:

• Get lower grades
• Suffer from health conditions
• Attempt suicide
• Have lower paying jobs
• Have psychological problems

Much of this is the result of messy divorce battles that place children in a tug-o-war.

One parent may try to get full custody while the other feels that he/she has no recourse. Children might be asked to testify.

Barring some severe extenuating circumstances, you have a right be in your children’s lives. If you need to take on most or all of the responsibility for some reason, you have a right to be appropriately compensated by the other parent.

Children should be protected as much as possible during a divorce to reduce this trauma.

A divorce lawyer will help you evaluate the situation and make your case in order to improve the outcome for your children.

You Need to Present Your Case in the Best Light

We’ve all done things that we’re not proud of. We’ve hurt people. Or didn’t do something we know we should have done. We all have things we wish we’d done better.

It doesn’t mean we’re bad people or that we should lose everything because of a mistake.

That’s why regardless of what you may have done or not done, it needs to be put into perspective.

The court system can be ruthless. A lawyer on the other side can take something small and blow it out of proportion.

Because of guilt that you do feel, it may be hard to defend yourself against these coordinated attacks when you go through a divorce without a lawyer.

Your lawyer will be objective about the facts. He/she’ll find a way to show you in the best light. They’ll help you stand up to people who try to tarnish your reputation and make mountains out of molehills.

You Might Not Have to Go to Court at All

A divorce without a lawyer almost always ends up in court. That’s where most of the stress on you and your children happens.

Costs can skyrocket.

But a great lawyer will always try to settle out of court when it’s in your best interest. Chances are you’re not trying to take your spouse to the cleaners. You don’t want to hurt them, yourself or your children.

A lawyer will work with your spouse’s lawyer, discuss concerns and demands and try to reach a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Divorce Without a Lawyer

If you’re considering a divorce without a lawyer, it may be time to reconsider. A divorce requires a person to the law and fill out a lot of paperwork. It can be hard to figure out what’s fair and children often get caught in the middle.

But a divorce lawyer can help guide you through the process, perhaps even keeping you and your children out of court. They will be a trusted resource who’s working for you to achieve the best outcome.

Still not sure? We can help. Call for a free telephone consultation.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, there were 813,862 divorces in 2016. While divorce may be common, it doesn’t make the process any easier. Divorce is stressful, but proper preparation and financially preparing for divorce can help ease the situation.

Getting ready for a divorce is multi-faceted. Not only do you need to prepare mentally and emotionally, but also financially.

Divorce isn’t an easy situation for either party, but preparing yourself financially for the divorce can save you from future money issues.

Being ready financially can help minimize financial issues during the divorce proceedings. In the event of alimony or child support issues, you’ll want to be financially prepared.

Here are 7 tips to get you on the right path:

7 Tips For Financially Preparing For Divorce

1. Inventory Your Assets

Assets can be sticklers during divorce cases. Who gets the house and car? Who keeps the wedding rings?

One of the first steps is to take an inventory of all of your assets.

You’ll first want to take note of separate property. This includes anything that you owned before your marriage. Separate property also includes inheritances and gifts.

Items acquired during the marriage are considered marital property. Who gets which items is often determined in court.

When taking your inventory, be sure to:

• Create a typed list of inventoried items
• Take pictures of each item, with a time stamp
• Upload these picture to avoid data loss

Knowing which assets you have is important. You want to be able to account for all items so that you have what is rightfully yours once the divorce is finalized.

2. Locate and Store Your Financial Records

Having your financial records available during a divorce can make the process much faster. Once you and your ex-partner have decided to move forward with a divorce, ensure you have access to your financial records.

You should have at least five years’ worth of documents. The further back your documents date, the better.

When collecting financial records, be sure that you have:

• Bank statements
• Benefits and beneficiary information
• Property information
• Investment accounts
• Tax returns
• Pay stubs

Once you have located these documents, make copies of each one. You will want to keep the originals in a safe location, such as a deposit box.

3. Open Individual Accounts

Many married couples have joint bank accounts. If you have automatic deposits into a joint account, you’ll want to stop them immediately.

You will also want to remove your ex-partner’s name from any of your accounts. This will ensure that only you have access to them.

As soon as you know that the divorce will proceed, open your own personal accounts. You may want to use an entirely new bank as well, to avoid potential confusion.

Open a checking as well as a savings account in just your name.

Want to build your personal credit? Open a credit card with a small line of credit. This will allow you to strengthen your credit history.

4. Create a New Budget

Unless you and your ex-partner will maintain the financial status quo, your household income will decrease. Living on just one salary can be eye-opening.

Another piece of financially preparing for a divorce is to create a new budget.

When creating your budget:

• Write down your monthly income
• Notate your monthly bills
• Account for money sent to retirement and/or savings accounts

After crunching the numbers, ensure that you are able to cover your expenses. If you are coming up short, now is the time to cut expenses where possible.

You will also want to work on building your emergency fund. Divorce attorneys and court fees can be expensive. Ensure you are financially sound enough to cover any divorce-related costs.

5. Update Beneficiaries

Updating your beneficiaries is an important part of financially preparing for divorce. It is so easy to forget about a beneficiary form that you filled out years ago.

During a divorce, you will want to remove your ex-partners name as the listed beneficiary. You may find it ideal to list your parent or a close family member instead.

When updating your beneficiaries, you may have to do so in several locations, including:

• Insurance policies
• Retirement accounts
• Your will
• Medical proxy

6. Keep an Eye on Your Credit Report

Your credit report will give you a clear picture of your current financial position. With your credit report, you will want to notate any outstanding debts. Also, take note of your credit score.

Also, take note of your credit score.

Are you a cosigner for your partner’s loan? Do you both have access to a credit card with an unpaid balance?

These could be potential issues during the divorce. Your ex-partner could decide to run up the credit card even more. This makes for a messy financial situation.

Be aware of your debts and carefully monitor them throughout the divorce.

There’s nothing worse than a dropping credit score because of your ex-partner. Keep tabs on your debt amounts and ensure they don’t increase.

7. Financially Preparing for Divorce With a Financial Adviser

Chances are that you and your ex-partner shared financial responsibilities. With the potential of only one income now, it’s important to get a big picture of your finances.

Will you be able to pay all of your bills? Can you live comfortably on your salary alone?

A financial adviser can help determine your financial situation.

Meeting with a financial adviser is useful for financially preparing for divorce. An adviser will be able to assist you with:

• Determining your monthly income
• Creating a new budget
• Finding potential income shortfalls
• Ensuring your financial success during the divorce
• Current and future tax situation

A Family Law Attorney You Can Depend On

The idea of a divorce is stressful enough. Going through a divorce on your own can make the process that much harder.

Want a quick and easy divorce? If so, you’ll want legal help and representation.

A qualified family law attorney can work with you to make the process much easier.

At the Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone, we specialize in divorce cases. You can count on us to get you through this difficult process. Contact us today to get started.

At their wedding, couples promise to stay together for better or for worse.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out that way. In fact, experts indicate that as many as 50% of marriages end in divorce.

In spite of how common it is, divorce is often very difficult. The process is especially challenging because most people involved in divorces have never been through the process before.

So even couples who mutually agree to separate can experience ugly divorce proceedings. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Here’s our best divorce advice to help you get through the process as painlessly as possible.

Get divorce advice from a good lawyer

Sometimes, parties involved in a divorce are reluctant to hire a divorce lawyer. If they have an amicable relationship with their spouse, they may fear that getting an attorney involved can make things contentious.

Just because you hire a lawyer, though, doesn’t mean that you can’t have an amicable divorce.

In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Hiring a lawyer is simply taking an important step towards understanding the divorce process. A lawyer will help you learn the language of divorce, and will ensure that your rights are protected.

Do your research

That said, sometimes people getting divorced make the opposite mistake. They hire a lawyer and expect that their legal counsel will handle everything.

Yes, it is your lawyer’s job to help you through the divorce proceedings, but it is your job to learn about the process.

Educating yourself will help you to better communicate your needs to your lawyer.

Additionally, apart from the custody of children, division of shared property is the most difficult aspect of divorce. Gaining a better understanding of your finances will help you navigate this process.

Have realistic expectations

Often, divorce battles drag on because one or both spouses have unrealistic expectations about how much many they should get, or how much they can pay.

The process will go a lot more smoothly if you go in understanding your rights and responsibilities.

At the end of the day, unless you had a prenuptial agreement, the spouse who makes more money will likely have to pay alimony. The sooner you accept this piece of divorce advice, the easier it will be to negotiate a reasonable number.

That said, if you are the spouse who makes less money, understand that you probably won’t get as much support as you think you deserve.

Unfortunately, one of the hard truths about divorce is that you will likely have to make adjustments to your lifestyle. This is simply what happens when you take one household and break it off into two separate ones.

Pick your battles

Once you accept that your life will change after divorce, it will be easier to set your priorities.

A good piece of divorce advice is to remember that the most important things are the items that money can’t buy. Things like family heirlooms, photo albums, and keepsakes are important to get a hold of.

Additionally, you can’t put a price on your personal health and mental well-being. While it is important to fight for a fair settlement, at a certain point it’s just not worth squabbling over pennies.

On the same note, don’t get greedy. Sometimes, spouses going through a divorce try to hide money in secret accounts or to sell off assets.

In the long run, moves like these will end up making you look bad in court, and can do more harm than good.

Put your kids’ needs first

When two adults go through a divorce proceeding, it can be easy to forget about the people caught in the middle: the children.

If you have young children, keep in mind that the divorce will likely be just as challenging for them as it is for you. In some cases, it can be even more difficult for them.

That said, don’t fall into the trap of believing that divorcing makes you a bad parent. Many couples try to keep the marriage together for the kids. This is probably why couples with children are less likely to divorce than couples without kids.

But staying in a bad marriage can be even more damaging to children than a divorce.

The key is to keep your children’s needs a priority throughout the divorce proceedings.

One way to do this is to avoid using your children as gambling chips with your spouse. Remember, your children are not assets to be won. They are people whose lives are being affected.

Unless you are leaving an abusive situation, it is likely in your children’s best interest that they have contact with both of their parents. Working to achieve a custody agreement that meets these needs is crucial to your children’s health.

Try to settle out of court

When divorce proceedings go to court, they tend to get more complicated. A judge with little knowledge of the situation ends up making decisions about who gets what property, and where the children will live.

Settling matters through a legal mediation is often a better approach.

Hiring a dedicated mediator can help ease negotiations between both parties.This process can often conclude much more quickly than a lengthy court battle. Not to mention, settling out of court is much less expensive.

Take healthy steps for self-care

When discussing divorce, it is easy to get wrapped up talking about shared assets, custody, and living arrangements. These are all only business aspects of a divorce.

It’s important to remember, however, that divorce has many emotional components. No matter how sour your marriage has gone, in most cases, you started out wanting to be married to the other person. This can make divorce very painful.

Additionally, this emotional trauma can have negative health effects.

So, as you go through the process, be sure to take steps to care for yourself. Seeing a therapist can be a great way to talk through your feelings, and come to terms with the end of your marriage.

If your need divorce advice, contact us. We’ll put you in touch with a lawyer who can help you with your unique situation.

Divorce is an unfortunate fact of life. Circumstances change, and people grow apart. But your divorce does not need to be acrimonious.

An amicable divorce is easier on all parties. And why shouldn’t it be easy? A divorce is a major life event but the process can be smooth.

Once you and your partner have made the difficult decision to separate you can still remain on civil terms. The ending of a marriage is the end of a contract. Contracts can be finalized in a way which benefits both parties.

So what are the tips for an amicable divorce?

Don’t Rush the Process of Friendship

Of course, it would be wonderful if every divorce ended with a hug and handshake and the couple remained firm friends for life. This can happen, but it is not a good idea to try and be friends too soon.

A divorce is a painful and disruptive event. You both need time and space to think through your feelings and adjust to the changes in your lives.

Remain professional and courteous, but don’t try and hasten a friendship. Let everything evolve in its own time.

Write it Down

Trust is important during a divorce agreement, but this is a challenging time for everyone. There is a lot to be talked about. Words are spoken, and sometimes words are forgotten or recanted.

If you reach an agreement on assets or other components of the divorce make sure you take a note. This way, if anything changes, you have a record of the agreement.

Issues of money and parenting are emotional topics. Keep a record and be precise with the details.

Create a Parenting Plan

When there are children involved in a separation emotions can become heated. Try and work as a team with your ex. Keep everyone’s best interests at the forefront.

A parenting plan should clearly outline the expectations and guidelines of your continued co-parenting after the divorce is complete. The plan should cover where the children will live, weekend arrangements, holiday arrangements, and other key issues.

Remember to keep sight of the fact that your children are involved in a divorce regardless of their age. A divorce affects the entire family. Ensure they don’t become a bargaining tool.

Consider Mediation

Sometimes, regardless of the best intent, you and your ex can reach an impasse. Perhaps there is a point or two which you just cannot agree on. This may be the time to enlist the help of a mediator.

Mediation is a popular way to settle family legal disputes. The mediator can offer an unbiased point of view and work with both parties to educate and instruct.

A mediator who is also a lawyer has the experience and legal knowledge to help couples reach an agreement.

Establish Clear Rules and Consequences

A divorce is a stressful time and humans can sometimes act badly under stress. Each of you may be determined to have an amicable divorce but there can be moments when the end result is lost in the heat of the process.

It can be helpful to define a set of rules along with consequences should the rules be broken. This will allow both you and your ex to feel secure if one of you strays from the agreement.

In effect, you are establishing the rules for your new post-divorce relationship.

Leave Old Habits Behind

Once you and your ex-partner have decided to divorce you are removing yourself from the relationship of marriage. A marriage provides a couple with a support person to prop them up through life’s challenges. A divorce releases you from this requirement.

Resist the urge to be there for your ex’s difficulties whether they be emotions, work, or family. You can still show concern, of course, but it is not healthy to continue to be the key support once you have made the decision to divorce.

Make a reasonable gap between the two of you and let go of your requirement to support your ex through their troubles. Concentrate on developing positive new habits for your life without your ex.

Allow Relationship Transformation

You have both decided on an amicable divorce but what happens next? How do you adjust to the relationship post-marriage?

Your new relationship with your ex will be different. It has to be. A marriage partnership needs to evolve after a divorce.

Don’t rush it. Allow your new relationship to transform and grow and release your expectations of what it should be.

Accept Support When Offered

A divorce is tough, regardless of how smooth the process is. You can’t do it alone. If friends or family offer their help, take it.

Sometimes all you need is a friendly ear and a willingness to listen. A divorce can be an isolating time. A frank conversation with someone who cares can be all you need to reclaim the feeling that you are not alone.

Don’t try and do this by yourself. Others may have experiences that they can share which will help with some of your questions. Ease your pathway and accept support.

Don’t Lay Blame If You Want An Amicable Divorce

It can be tempting to blame your ex for the marriage breakdown. It may be their fault but laying blame does not help anyone. Accept the marriage dissolution and go forward peacefully.

It is all too easy for a divorce to become messy and confrontational. Removing blame from any interactions with your ex will make your discussions flow more smoothly and increase the chances of reaching an agreement.

A pointed YOU said (did, had, etc) immediately puts the other party on the defensive. Bypass the blame game.

Select a Divorce Option

There are many ways to complete the divorce process. You can choose to go to battle or you can choose a more peaceful approach. An amicable divorce is more likely if you take the peaceful route.

Talk with the professionals. Find out what your options are. You can choose litigation, collaboration, or mediation.

A good divorce attorney will lead you through the dispute and resolution process and out the other side with your sanity intact.