Technically, anyone can file legal paperwork, get divorced, or make child custody or financial support decisions without a family lawyer. Realistically, that’s not a good idea. As a result of DIY legal aid, I’ve seen clients who made legal decisions that haunted them for years or decades before they hired a family law professional who created a better way forward. 

Most family law attorneys offer free consultations and I highly recommend taking advantage of those. In just 30-minutes or less, complimentary family law consultations establish whether or not you need a lawyer.  

6 Signs You Should Hire a Family Lawyer 

Here are 6 of the most typical signs or scenarios indicating you need a family lawyer, rather than using a paralegal or trying to do things on your own. 

You’re planning to get married 

Family lawyers offer Pre-Marital Legal Counseling, and it’s one of my favorite consults of all. Some of the most common reasons for divorce become nonissues by meeting with a lawyer before ever saying, “I do.” At these meetings, we help couples determine: 

• How marriage affects their legal rights and responsibilities  
• Whether they need a pre-nuptial 
• How individual financial picture will impact the marriage 

It’s incredible how many couples have never thought deeply about – or conversed deeply about – what marriage will mean in the long term, besides the obvious themes of love, partnership, and family building.  

You worry divorce is on the horizon 

Marriage and family therapy is considered a no-brainer for couples struggling to get along. Pre-Divorce Legal Counseling is equally as important. You’d be surprised what can emerge when individuals and couples speak with a legal representative. Common myths or beliefs about what does or does not happen during divorce and child custody, the division of real estate/assets, etc., are teased out and cleaned up. 

These meetings may steer you toward a more affordable and peaceful divorce mediation process rather than an angry or bitter battle in the courtroom. Pre-divorce legal counseling can save you thousands of dollars in unnecessary legal fees. 

You want to establish healthy child custody and co-parenting agreements 

Whether you are married or not, all of the research shows that children in split-parent households fare best when their lives are as consistent and predictable as possible. As parents, it’s your responsibility to find a cooperative way forward to support your children’s wellbeing. 

Meeting with a family lawyer is a way to learn what works and what doesn’t for other families and can establish reasonable child custody, visitation, and co-parenting agreements for your family.  

You want to avoid the family law courtroom 

California divorce and child custody laws are relatively black-and-white. Things like community property laws, prenuptial agreements, and state-established child custody premises based on child welfare research mean a judge already knows what his/her decision is in regards to your case. When hurt feelings, blame, resentment, and revenge enter the picture, very straightforward divorce and child custody cases can bleed days, weeks, months, and even years of time, energy, and money. 

Family mediation is the way to go whenever possible. Family lawyers offering divorce mediation serve as completely neutral parties. We let you know how a judge is most likely to decide on topics where you are stuck, disagree, or feel entitled to something different. From there, you can make informed decisions while saving hundreds to thousands of dollars in legal and courtroom fees. 

Visit our post on Preparing and Organizing Your Divorce Mediation List to learn more about what we discuss during those sessions. I also recommend reading Why Divorce Mediation is the Best Way to Handle Child Custody if you have children.  

You are deciding whether or not to file a pre-nuptial agreement 

Pre-nuptial agreements have a bad rap because people focus on the idea that a couple is already thinking about divorce before getting married. Others who oppose prenups cite that couples should love and trust each other enough to know they will navigate the unpredictable future with mutual respect.  

While both of these sound true on paper, we’ve all watched good-hearted, intelligent people we love, become different people during an ugly divorce. Emotional triggers are powerful, and they cause us to think, act, and speak in ways we can’t imagine in a centered and content moment. A pre-nuptial agreement is a sound way for couples to rationally determine what makes the most sense should a worst-case scenario rise up and for families to protect their estates. 

Visit our post, The Good and Bad of Pre-Nuptial Agreements, to learn more about the pros and cons. 

Child endangerment cases 

If your child is endangered by his/her other parent or immediate family members, schedule a consultation with a family lawyer. While you can file restraining orders and take specific actions on your own, it is always better to have a legal professional’s support and representation so you can act swiftly, within the law, and in your child’s best interest.  

We recommend retaining a child custody lawyer if/when: 

• A child is emotionally or physically abused 
• You feel you need a restraining order 
• The parent has threatened to kidnap or has kidnapped your child 
• You’re divorcing or creating a child custody/visitation agreement with a parent who has a history of violence toward yourself or the child 

Do one of these signs ring true for you? My name is Gerard Falzone, and I’ve served as a family lawyer in the Bay Area for nearly 40 years. I support my clients in finding swift, cooperative, and affordable solutions whenever possible. Contact my office to schedule your free, no-obligation family law consultation. (510) 521-9500. 

Are you on the fence about whether or not to create a prenuptial agreement? That’s understandable. It’s hard to tell the one you’re about to marry that you also want to be prepared in the case of an eventual divorce.  

Prenuptial Agreements: Good or Bad? It Depends… 

There are some advantages and disadvantages of prenuptial agreements. While this post can highlight some of the most common considerations, you should always consult with a professional family law attorney before proceeding with any legal document or procedure affecting your marriage or family. 

The Advantages Of Preparing A Prenuptial Agreement 

Here are some of the positive aspects I witness when helping couples decide whether or not they should get a prenuptial agreement. 

It can improve communication 

Every culture and family is different when it comes to finances. For some, their financial status and checkbook balance are practically an open book. In other households, finances are never spoken about. This can result in some pretty serious tension when two people are deciding to get married. 

Having conversations about current financial status, projected financial status, and what that means in case of a future separation can help to get you both on the same page. Most importantly, I highly recommend that engaged couples run and share their current credit report. Your partner may have serious debt that will become yours the minute you say, “I do.” For example, once you’re married, the IRS may garnish your joint tax filing for his/her unpaid college debt. 

Any issues or tensions that arise while discussing a prenuptial helps to uncover differences so you can sort them out before being legally bound to one another. 

Save time and energy 

Getting a divorce is never easy, but a well-crafted prenuptial can make it far simpler. Your prenuptial agreement will have laid it all out there, simplifying the pre-divorce financial preparations we typically work through during mediation or in the courtroom. 

Protect separate property and family heirlooms 

In a perfect world, these items are already protected due to California’s separation between separate and community property. However, if you do wind up getting divorced, the onus is on you to prove that certain assets, property, and family heirlooms were yours before you got married, were bequeathed specifically to you from a deceased loved one during the marriage, or were actually your family heirlooms. 

When you create a prenuptial agreement, these items are categorized and clearly stated so there is no debating the fact of whose was whose in the future. If the property is the main concern, rather than assets or wealth, a marital property agreement may make more sense. 

Protect children’s inheritance 

Prenuptial agreements are specifically helpful for couples where one or both have children from prior relationships. Your prenuptial agreement will determine the children’s future inheritance so it doesn’t become a part of the community property pot. 

Ultimately, prenuptial agreements benefit the person who has the most wealth and protects that wealth from being unfairly used or taken advantage of at any point during the marriage. This includes the ability to limit future alimony (spousal support) that would be paid if you get divorced. 

The Disadvantages of Prenups 

The disadvantages or “bad” of prenuptial agreements are: 

You may limit your inheritance 

If your spouse is wealthy California’s intestate succession laws grant that the majority of the estate (excluding certain properties or heirlooms, etc.) is yours when your spouse dies. You may not retain that inheritance depending on how the prenuptial is written. That said, your partner and you should also consider creating an estate plan that accommodates what your portion of the estate would be to protect your interests. 

One partner’s efforts and energy in the business may not be accounted for 

If you have or own a business, or you are an entrepreneur with a business plan, that should be taken into account in the prenuptial agreement. Otherwise, any time or energy you or your spouse spends growing or working for the business may not be recognized in the event of a divorce. 

Read, Am I Entitled to My Spouse’s Business in a Divorce, to learn more about that. 

Your lifestyle may not be accommodated 

If you or your spouse are a lower wage (or no wage) earner, the prenuptial agreement may not account for that, which means s/he is put in a position to fight in court to maintain a certain lifestyle or to keep the house, etc. A good prenuptial agreement should account for this, as we mentioned above, by ensuring the lower-wage earning spouse is taken care of.  

Romance may preclude reason when it comes to prenuptial agreements

If you’re the one without the wealth, it’s easy to be cajoled into settling for less or depriving yourself of that normal California divorce laws or inheritance laws would have provided for without a prenuptial. Romantic and honeymoon periods can put a person in a position to agree to things that are not in their future best interest. 

If you are considering creating a prenuptial agreement, get your own lawyer or the two of you should visit a neutral lawyer for premarital legal counseling. This way, the lawyer can advise you both without bias or preexisting loyalties involved and help you determine which premarital documents if any, make sense. 

As with any long-standing legal document, such as estate plans, prenuptial agreements should be revisited regularly (annually or every other year is recommended) to ensure the things you agreed upon in the moment continue to make sense for your evolving lives together. If not, the prenuptial agreement can always be revised and amended as needed, making it a more relevant legal document called a postnuptial agreement. 

Contact The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone to schedule a consultation or to discuss whether a prenuptial agreement is worth it.

When things are heated between partners or spouses, or when a parent believes his/her child is in danger by the other custodial parent, “kidnapping,” may feel like the only option. In most cases, the courts consider “kidnapping” to require force or a threat. If one parent removes the child from the region, state, or country without the other parent’s consent, and with the intention of keeping the child away from the other custodial parent, the courts consider it “parental abduction” or “parental kidnapping.”

We cannot tell you enough how important it is to avoid violating the child custody agreement in any way. If you are found guilty of kidnapping, it can be the very worst thing you could ever do to your child because it prevents your ability to protect his/her well-being in a lawful way. 

If you are concerned about your child’s wellbeing and have even considered physically removing your child without the other parent’s awareness, consult with a family law specialist immediately so we can begin helping you navigate this very stressful and complicated situation. 

How The Courts Define Parental Kidnapping 

The courts may find a parent guilty of parental kidnapping or abduction if: 

• You violate a child custody order or agreement and it appears that it is intentionally done to keep the child and other custodial parent away from one another
• You hide or contain a child away from the other parent
• A refusal to return the child to the other parent at the end of your stated visitation time 
• You left with the child without the other parent’s consent (while you can take them within the same state during your stated visitation time, you can never take a child across state lines or out of the country without a written agreement from the other parent or legal guardian). 

Seeking Legal Permission to Take a Child out of State or Country 

You must always seek legal permission to take a child out of the state or the country – even if there is a verbal agreement between both custodial parents. This is as simple as completing a detailed letter that outlines the plan, travel dates, flight numbers, etc., and that is signed by the other custodial parent or guardian. You must also have the document notarized.  

In addition to protecting you from potential child abduction charges, these letters may be necessary for officials in other states or countries to prove your child has permission to leave the region, state, or country. 

Visit the Family Travel Forum’s page on travel consent letters to learn more. 

An Emergency Child Custody Order can Protect You from Kidnapping Charges 

In most cases, parents facing child abduction charges are doing so because they feel their child’s physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing are at risk in the other parent’s custody. This is 100% understandable.  

Fortunately, the courts have created Emergency Child Custody Orders. These orders are handled expediently through the court system and can protect you from facing or being charged with parent/child kidnapping or abduction charges. 

Read our post, How and When to Obtain an Emergency Child Custody Order, to learn more about how to pursue that option. The post also includes hyperlinks to CA.gov family law pages to help you get to the forms you need. 

Abduction of a Child by a Parent is a Misdemeanor or Felony 

Depending on the case, California courts typically charge parent abduction of a child as a misdemeanor or felony. Fines can range from $1000 to $10,000 dollars and can have a minimum of one year of jail time.  

The severity of the charges and penalties depend on three key factors: 

The legal status of the offending parent

Your prior criminal history as well as any current charges, probation, or warrants can affect the judge’s viewpoint. 

Existing court-ordered child custody agreement(s)

If you are in violation of the most current, legal child custody order, it’s a problem. This is why it is so important that you file a temporary Emergency Child Custody Order, which shows the court you are doing your best to proceed through the legal channels while also prioritizing the wellbeing of your child. 

The intent of the offender (you, as the abductor)

If you have a solid cause to back up why you are keeping the child away from the other parent, and there is substantial proof, the court may be more lenient. 

As you can imagine, spending time in jail only makes matters worse for your child who may be handed over to the other parent with full custody or to the foster system as the courts decide what is in the child’s best interest. 

Are you currently in a position where you are considering parental kidnapping or abduction to protect your child? Please contact me here at The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone. I will do everything I can to expedite your temporary emergency custody order and provide sound legal counsel to help you determine the next safest steps. 

Choosing which term to use, lawyer vs attorney? They are frequently used interchangeably in advertisements, websites, and brochures. In truth, they are not exactly the same thing. From the logical point of view, all attorneys are lawyers, but not all lawyers are attorneys. 

Here’s why… 

Attorneys Have Passed The Bar Exam 

Attorney is actually short for attorney-at-law, a distinction that requires passing the state bar exam. In addition to finishing and graduating from an accredited law school, attorneys-at-law has passed the bar exam in their respective state.  

Here in California, attorneys have to pass several, proverbial, bars: 

• They’ve graduated from an accredited college or university 
• They subsequently attended and graduated from an accredited law school** (not mandatory in CA, but more on that below) 
• They’ve studied extensively using state bar preparation materials and/or course work 

The Baby Bar 

In their first year of law, law students take an exam called “The Baby Bar.” This exam consists of four one-hour essay questions and 100 multiple-choice questions. It’s a good way to establish how serious the “real” bar will be and can help some students determine that the attorney path may not be for them after all. 

Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination 

After the first year of law school, but before they become licensed attorneys, law students must also pass a two-hour multiple-choice test called the Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination (MPRE).   

Once aspiring attorneys-at-law pass the Baby Bar, graduate from law school, and feel up to the challenge, they sign up and pay to take the state bar exam.  

California State Bar Exam 

The California State Bar Exam’s reputation as a grueling examination is widely respected, and it often requires multiple attempts. In fact, only about 45% of all testers pass the California Bar Exam the first time. You can take it as many times as you want. I am proud to say that I passed the California bar exam after my first attempt, and have been practicing as a family law attorney ever since.  

The test has three parts: 

1. Five one-hour essay questions 
2. One 90-minute performance test (standard style questions/answers) 
3. The Multistate Bar Exam (MBE) has 200 multiple choice questions 

The key content areas covered on the exam include: 

• Conflict of laws 
• Real property 
• Family law 
• Contractors 
• Business associations (Partnerships, limited liability companies, and corporations) 
• Criminal law and procedure 
• Torts 
• Uniform Commercial Code, Article 9 (Secured Transactions) 
• Evidence 
• Trusts and estates 

After passing, lawyers register for their license to practice as an attorney-at-law in the state of California.  

**Note: California is one of four states that allows anyone to take the bar, regardless of whether they attended law school or college. That said, in the history of the CA bar, less than 20 people (out of more than 100,000 test-takers) have ever done so. The caveat is that you must have worked as an apprentice and “read the law” under the guidance of a judge or licensed attorney for at least four years.  

Lawyers: Education Without The Bar 

To call yourself a lawyer, you must have studied and graduated from a law school, but there is no need to pass the bar. Lawyers can work as professional law advisers, but they cannot legally represent someone in court, nor can they practice in a prosecutor’s office.  

Lawyers often prefer to work behind the scenes, offering legal information, advice, or guidance around policies or strategies, and are active members of legal teams. 

What Does Lawyer vs Attorney Mean For Clients? 

Because the general public doesn’t have a clear understanding of the difference between lawyer vs attorney, many attorneys refer to themselves as lawyers because it is the more widely understood term and is used more often in the pop culture vernacular.  

If you simply want legal advice, a lawyer with solid credentials and a diploma from a reputable law program should be able to do the job. Their services may be more competitively priced, but not always. Ultimately, however, lawyers have not passed the bar exam, and there is something to be said about the extra “stamp of approval” and the level of deep legal expertise required to pass the exam.  

If you are looking for a legal professional who knows the law and can represent you in court if need be, you should always seek the help of an attorney. Their website will typically note them as attorneys, even if some of the language and terminology on the site refers to them as lawyers. Attorneys should always be able to provide evidence of their licensure upon request. 

Are you interested in hiring an attorney to support you in your upcoming divorce, family mediation, or child custody case? Schedule an appointment at The Law Offices of Gerard Falzone. You’ll benefit from a licensed attorney-at-law who approaches family law with the groundedness and humility of a lawyer.

Supervised visitation with children is a child custody condition the family law courts order on a case-by-case basis. While not common, they are designed to facilitate strong, healthy bonds between the child and the non-custodial parent while prioritizing the child’s physical and emotional health and wellbeing. 

If you believe your child is not safe with a non-custodial parent, or you feel your child is afraid of his/her non-custodial parent and needs support building trusting bonds, supervised visitation may be worth pursuing with the help of a family law specialist or divorce attorney.  

5 Things to Know About Supervised Visitation In California 

Here is what you should know about supervised visitation: who it’s for, situations where it’s recommended, and other important information. 

A judge is most likely to order supervised visitation in CA when… 

The Family Law Courts of California have a range of situations in which custodial parents can pursue (or a judge may automatically order) supervised visitation between a non-custodial parent and his/her minor children.  

These are: 

• To give the visiting parent a chance to address specific issues (this could include alcohol/drug abuse or other addictions that are untreated or currently in treatment) 
• To help reintroduce a parent and a child after a long absence 
• To help introduce a parent and a child when there has been no existing relationship between them 
• When there is a history or allegations of domestic violence, child abuse, and neglect, or substance abuse. Read, 7 Steps to Take Before Leaving an Abusive Spouse, to learn more about that topic. 
• When there are parenting concerns or mental illness 
• When there is a parental threat of kidnapping or abduction. 

Your family law professional will listen to your story determine whether your situation warrants pursuing supervised visits with your child(ren) and his/her other parent. 

Supervised visits take place with a family member or social worker present 

The custodial parent is not allowed to be present during the visits. In addition to interfering with the bonding between the other parent and your child, your presence can trigger tension, stress, or even anger/trauma that inhibits or impedes the climate or emotional space of the visits.  

Instead, the court will determine whether your child’s supervised visits should take place with another family member present or with a social worker – or a combination of both. 

Visits can take place in the other parent’s home, a park, or other designated location 

Where the visits take place depends on your particular situation. For example, if there is any risk of violence, the visitation is typically ordered to happen in a public space (like a park or downtown plaza) or in a designated child custody visitation center where social workers are present. If, however, the violence is not a threat and the other parent’s home is considered safe, the visit may take place in the other parent’s or a relative’s home – but with the court-appointed supervisor(s) present. 

The courts will provide very clear and detailed guidelines about who will be there, where the visits will take place, the duration of the visits, and so on. 

Supervised visitation with a child may be temporary or indefinite 

In some cases, such as untreated addiction without a history of violence, the judge might require supervised visitation for a temporary amount of time. In that case, s/he may order that visits are to be supervised until the parent has successfully completed a substance abuse program and is meeting regularly with a mental health professional or sponsor of AA, etc.  

Temporary supervision is also common in cases where the child hasn’t seen the other parent in a while, after the parent finds a suitable home, or is successfully managing a mental illness. 

Other times, particularly if domestic, child, or sexual abuse has occurred, supervised visitation orders may remain indefinitely or permanently. In all cases, the situation is systematically reviewed by the courts with the child’s wellbeing as the top priority. 

You can request supervised visitation for your child at ANY time 

You can request supervised visitation for your child at any time if you feel his/her safety or emotional wellbeing is at risk. Things that seemed fine at the beginning may turn sideways and become evidence in a child’s reluctance to spend time with a particular parent (very different from preferring one house over another) as a result of fear, trauma, witnessing domestic violence in the other parent’s home, the development or returning to addiction, or you may notice attendance or academic issues related to the child’s visit with the other parent, etc.  

In this case, you file for a child custody modification (read, What Are Post-Judgement Child Custody Modifications, to learn more). While you do not need a legal professional to file one, it can be very helpful. The courts require specific and detailed proof or evidence to modify a standing child custody agreement, especially if your request is for supervised visitation. Your lawyer will make sure you have everything you need to protect your child with as little courtroom time, drama, or stress as possible. 

Have questions about your child custody agreement or wish to learn more about what you should know regarding supervised visitation in California? Contact the Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone.  

Divorce proceedings require a tremendous amount of energy and time. It’s go, go, go, and the energetic let down when a divorce is finalized often takes clients by surprise. The temptation to tuck things away in a file drawer and never look back is natural, but there are several things you should do first.  

Are you at the beginning of the divorce planning stages? Read our page about Divorce Mediation, which is a much more streamlined, affordable, and smoother way to navigate the divorce journey. 

7 Things to Do After Your Divorce is Finalized 

We advise clients to honor the finalized divorce by taking care of these seven checklist items before charging forward into their new life. 

Make copies and keep key documents in a safe place 

There are certain things you will want to hold onto indefinitely after your divorce because you may need them later on. These include originals and copies of: 

• Your original marriage certificate/license 
• Your finalized divorce paperwork 
• Separate copy of spousal support/child support/custody/visitation documents 
• Financial statements (courts often ask for years’ worth of these records if either party ever asks for spousal/child support modifications 
• Settlement agreement from the divorce 

We recommend keeping originals in a locked, fireproof drawer or safe, with copies held in an easy to access file cabinet. 

Complete anything laid out in your divorce/child custody orders 

If you are responsible for taking any actions as part of the divorce decree, do it without hesitation. This includes things, like: 

• Dividing or allocating relevant properties as ordered 
• Changing any ownership or titles for cars, boats, other toys to reflect the finalized divorce 
• Making alimony or child support payments in-full and on-time 
• Following any instructions provided by the courts or your lawyer  

If you don’t take care of ordered business immediately, the courts may fine you or penalize you further.  

Close and reopen financial/credit accounts 

If you haven’t already done so, it is essential that you speak to any and all financial institutions, credit card companies, retirement account holders, etc., and let them know your divorce is final. In some cases, presenting them with the finalized divorce papers will be enough to remove a spouse from the account.  

However, more and more, financial companies and credit card companies require customers to close existing accounts and reopen new ones to ensure a former spouse doesn’t have access to your money, your credit, or your personal information. 

Update (or create) your estate plan 

When one spouse dies, the remaining spouse automatically inherits everything unless there is an estate plan stating otherwise. Similarly, if your ex-spouse is currently listed as a beneficiary or POD (pay on death) recipient, s/he will automatically receive any funds from those accounts when you die. It doesn’t matter if you were divorced 20 years ago and remarried, or if your children believe they were entitled to the funds, financial institutions honor the most recent beneficiary, POD name, or will/trust information without question. 

Verify insurance coverage will your carriers 

Connect with insurance carriers (homeowners, health, auto, life, etc.) to ensure you are still covered and to verify whether they need any additional documentation or information. Many policies and premiums are structured according to whether an individual is married, single, or divorced – and they consider it your responsibility to let them know when legal status changes. 

Make name changes with proof of divorce documents ASAP 

If your divorce has inspired you to change your name, do it now. It takes quite a bit of time and paperwork so the sooner you get going, the sooner it will all be done. Even when you think you are done, odds are there will be an account, a travel membership, a club, nonprofits you’ve donated money to in the past – who have you listed under your former name. 

Start with name changes for: 

• Social Security 
• Driver’s license 
• Passport/REAL ID 
• Your employer and HR office 
• Children’s school documents 
• Financial accounts 
• Retirement savings 
• Investment accounts 
• Credit cards 
• PayPal and other financial vendors 
• Magazine subscriptions 
• Travel/airline memberships 

It does take time and diligence, but it pays off to have your legal name accurately reflected across the board. 

Practice self-care when your divorce is finalized 

As we mentioned in the introduction, divorce proceedings require a tremendous amount of time, energy, and stamina. All of the steps you have to take to keep the process moving forward, combined with other life changes that coincide with a divorce – such as finding a new place to live, moving, changing work or schools, family and friend reactions, etc. – can take their toll on your mental and emotional wellbeing. 

Now that you are in the post-divorce phase, practice self-care in the form of quiet time, restorative activities that bring you joy, finding the support of an experienced family therapist, joining a support group for divorced adults and/or single parents – all can help you reclaim your life in a healthy and balanced way.

We Can Get You Through Your Divorce

Are you deciding whether or not to get divorced? Are you trying to navigate a DIY divorce and need professional support. Set up a consultation with The Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone and we’ll help you choose the least complicated way to get your divorce finalized as peacefully and seamlessly as possible.

It isn’t always easy to know if filing a restraining order is your best way forward without support from law enforcement or legal professionals.  

In addition to consulting with a family law attorney, you can also schedule an appointment with the family law division of your country court, where anyone is entitled to free help and information. 

Things To Know About A Restraining Order 

The following explains the basics of a restraining order, how they are most commonly used, and whether or not you may need to file one. Keep in mind, however, that restraining orders move through the legal court system and are pieces of paper. If you or your children are physically at risk, consult with a family law professional to outline your safest, next steps. 

What is a restraining order? 

Ultimately, a restraining order is a legally binding order from the CA courts. In their words: 

A restraining order (also called a “protective order”) is a court order that can protect someone from being physically or sexually abused, threatened, stalked, or harassed. The person getting the restraining order is called the “protected person.” The person the restraining order is against is the “restrained person.” Sometimes, restraining orders include other “protected persons” like family or household members of the protected person. 

One of the problems with restraining orders is that paperwork doesn’t necessarily prevent another human from doing what they decide to do. In other words, filing a restraining order can’t keep your potential abuser from reaching out to you, harassing you, or from violating other sections of the order. When and if they do, however, your restraining order allows the police to take more instant action. 

There are two different types of restraining orders.  

Civil restraining order 

This is filed when an offender is not intimately or closely related to you. If the person harassing or threatening you is a neighbor, roommate, friend, family member more than two-degrees removed, like an aunt or uncle, a niece or nephew, cousins, and more distant relatives, or another person you are not closely related to. 

Domestic violence restraining order 

The second type of restraining order is dedicated to victims of domestic violence. This is the type we see most often in the family law arena. This one is filed by adults who are victimized by people with whom they share an intimate or close relationship, including:  

• married or registered domestic partners 
• divorced or separated 
• dating or used to date 
• living together or used to live together 
• parents together of a child 
• closely related (parent, child, brother, sister, grandmother, grandfather, in-law) 

Restraining orders, themselves, are divided into four different categories: 

1. Emergency 
2. Temporary 
3. No-Contact 
4. Domestic violence 

Emergency orders are often the first step, getting the ball rolling and putting some protection into place as the case moves forward. Temporary orders extend the emergency orders and bide you more time until the judge is able to hear your case and decide whether a more permanent restraining order is necessary. 

Do You Need A Restraining Order?

You may need to file a protective order if the person listed in the above, domestic violence restraining order category, has abused you or threatened to abuse you. Save any and all texts, emails, voicemails, or video footage that prove your case. Solid eyewitnesses (no hearsay) may also help your cause. 

The same is true if you are a parent in a child custody situation where you feel like the child’s other parent or someone living in the other parent’s household has been abusive, is threatening to abuse the child, or where domestic violence between other adults or members of the household is traumatizing your child. 

If you feel like your child is at risk, we recommend filing Emergency Child Custody and Visitation orders, as well as a restraining order, to keep your child(ren) safe. 

Along with all of the legal documents you need to file, make sure to have a professional, evidence-based case to present in court. This includes things like: 

• Photos of personal damages or vandalism 
• Signed affidavits by eyewitnesses 
• Prior or current medical records and police reports 
• Any records of threatening conversations, messages, photos, etc. 

Sadly, even though you are the victim here, you have to be your own strongest and most professional advocate when moving your case through the legal system if you cannot afford legal representation. 

Tips For Helping Police Uphold Your Restraining Order 

Police officers do not have instant access to any and all court orders. For that reason, it is essential that you keep your original court papers tucked in a safe and locked location.  

• Make copies and keep them everywhere you may need access, including your home, your car glove compartment, your desk at work, your friends’ houses, etc.  
• Report any and all violations. Any inconsistencies on your part (like texting or calling the person sometimes but then reporting them when they do the same) will compromise your case 
• Try to find a safer place to live if the person you’ve filed against is too out of control or uncaring about the law to be affected by a restraining order 
• Consistently call the police and file a report each and every time there is a violation to support your case with legitimate documentation 

We are so sorry to hear of any clients who find it necessary to file a protective order, and yet they are essential in helping to keep yourself or loved ones safe. Need help working through a complicated separation, divorce, child custody case that requires a restraining order of some kind? Work with the compassionate family law team here at the Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone. (415) 482-7800.

The majority of the sentiments around marriage are focused on the romantic aspects of the partnership. Premarital legal counseling focuses on the legally-binding and financial aspects of what it means to get legally married.  

Scheduling a premarital counseling appointment to learn more about the most typical divorce triggers, the legal and tax ramifications for blending or separating current property, assets, and financial accounts help couples make more sound decisions before saying, “I do.” 

Premarital Legal Counseling: Educate & Empower Yourselves Before Tying the Knot 

Our legal strongly believes that while no one gets married with the expectation of getting divorced, everyone who gets married should know how their marriage will affect their legal rights and responsibilities. Couples who are informed, educated and empowered around how marriage affects their legal and financial future make better decisions. They enter the binding marital contracts with greater wisdom, and that paves the road for a successful marriage. 

At Your Legal Counseling Session, We’ll Focus On: 

Your current financial, property, and assets holdings  

Because California is a community property state, what’s yours is his/hers and what’s his/hers is yours – unless you’ve legally stated otherwise. In an era where individuals wait longer to get married, often as homeowners, business owners, with established savings accounts, etc., it makes sense to protect what is yours independently and merge what is created together as a couple.  

This is especially true if your partner has a challenging relationship with money, is in debt, or has bad credit (all worth discussing with a financial or legal professional before getting married!). 

This isn’t about who has more or who is not wanting to share; it’s more of a conversation of what’s best to keep legally out of the couplehood that can be shared as desired along the way. It also allows two loving, respectful, and forward-thinking adults to prepare for every situation the future may throw at them.  

If, in a worst-case scenario where divorce is potential – the way you want things shared, divided, or separated now is a much more logical, fair, and compassionate option than what might happen years or decades down the road when you are not able to hold such an unconditional perspective. 

Prenuptial agreements & other forms 

If one or both of you has a situation where prenuptial agreements make sense, your legal premarital counseling sessions are the space where you can draft those. I recommend prenuptial agreements for individuals or couples when: 

• There’s a need to keep finances separate 
• There are children from another partnership  
• Funds need to be protected to care for aging or ill parents/relatives 
• There are large income discrepancies (protects unreasonably high alimony payments down the road if you get divorced) 
• One spouse has more debt or bad credit than another (always run complete credit checks before marrying someone) 
• There are family properties, trust, or assets that should remain separate from community property laws 
• You want to avoid drawn-out court proceedings if you get divorced 

If any of these apply to you, it’s worth having a conversation with your partner. Your premarital legal consultation gives you expert advice and recommendations to help you move forward in a way that feels clear and authentic for the two of you. 

Understand the common precursors or triggers for divorce 

It may sound crazy to talk about causes of divorce before you get married, but we have learned it makes good sound sense. As family law mediators and legal professionals, we have heard variations of the same stories over and over again. It’s heartbreaking to see individuals and couples who might have been able to remain in a healthy marriage if they’d known which red flags to look out for from the start. 

We recommend reading our post, The 9 Most Common Risk Factors for Divorce for a detailed description of the hows and whys. In the meantime, the following are the basic bullet points. Review them with your fiance and see if any of them resonate. The more work you can do with premarital counselors – therapeutic and/or legal – beforehand, the better equipped you’ll be to navigate them now or in the future. 

• Affairs/infidelity 
• Financial discrepancies/hardships 
• Your parents were divorced 
• Different drinking/recreational drug habits (if this is a red flag now, seek help before your marriage!) 
• Getting married too young OR waiting too late 
• Weddings that cost 20K or more 
• Lower education levels or lower economic status 
• You lived together before marriage 
• Poor communication 
• Having a child before or within the first year of marriage 

Don’t panic if any of these apply to you. These aren’t absolutes; they are simply some common roots of why people get divorced and are worth discussing and working through before you officially get married. 

The Law Offices of Gerard A Falzone has supported Alameda and Marin County couples through premarital legal counseling consultations for more than 30 years. Contact us to schedule yours. (415) 482-7800.