What is Premarital Legal Counseling?

Premarital legal counseling is a kind of therapy that’s aimed at ensuring you and your partner have a long and satisfying marriage. During premarital counseling, you and your partner may comewhat-is-premarital-legal-counseling across particular roadblocks that might lead to divorce.

Many churches offer premarital therapy; premarital therapy is usually mediated by a trained marriage and family therapist approved by the American Association for Family and Marriage Therapy.

Prenuptial Agreements and Premarital Counseling 

Sometimes, however, premarital legal counseling could involve looking at the couple’s finances and reasons for pursuing a prenuptial agreement.

Recent surveys from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers says that over sixty percent of divorce lawyers saw an uptick in prenuptial agreements over the last three years.

In addition, this same group of divorce lawyers said that women are disproportionately the ones filing for a prenuptial agreement. This, obviously, jars with the popular conception of the man in the house being the sole breadwinner and filing a prenuptial agreement to protect his assets.

Issues Tackled in Premarital Counseling 

Premarital counseling’s main goal is to have couples discuss their social, emotional and financial expectations for the upcoming marriage, and work out any problems related to those areas. If the couple can’t agree on the financial role for each party before the marriage, then a prenuptial agreement might be an appropriate topic to bring up in premarital counseling.

Generally speaking a prenuptial agreement is a legal contract that couples enter into before a marriage or civil union. A prenuptial agreement mainly covers issues like spousal support and division of property should a divorce or breakup result from the marriage or civil union. A premarital agreement covers eventualities like who will own what following the death of one spouse or a divorce. With a premarital counselor, you can work through which property is yours alone and which pieces of property you expect to be jointly owned by both spouses.

Although this would technically be outside the purview of premarital counseling, a postmarital agreement could be entered into after the marriage to settle many of the same issues (e.g., division of property) following a possible divorce. In addition, you would want a divorce lawyer rather than a premarital counselor to oversee a separation agreement, which is alternatively called a property settlement agreement.

Legal Issues to Address in Premarital Counseling 

Present and future property as well as personal income are all fair game when it comes to the areas divorce lawyers can help mediate in a prenuptial agreement. The legal right to sell or lease property, mortgages and marriage dissolutions can also be discussed before the marriage with a premarital counselor or with a divorce lawyer, granted a premarital agreement is something that both future spouses want to pursue.

A premarital agreement is effectuated only after the couple officially ties the knot. A premarital agreement can be changed or revoked granted that each party is willing to sign a document disavowing the standing premarital agreement. Also, it’s usually wise to sign a premarital agreement no later than a month before the marriage takes place. If a premarital agreement is rushed and signed 30 days or fewer before the marriage happens, issues like duress or coercion can enter the picture and make the premarital agreement more contestable in court.

Both a premarital counselor and divorce lawyer can help you and your spouse establish long and near-term financial goals and marriage expectations. You can discuss the disposition of property and even alimony with a premarital counselor or experienced divorce lawyer. Prenuptial agreements are very binding in California, especially with respect to shared property and alimony.

What is a Prenup?

Once upon a time couples who married stayed married, but that simply is not the case anymore. what-is-a-prenupDivorce has become increasingly common, and because of this, many people now feel it is necessary to protect themselves and their assets from the possibility of their marriage ending in divorce. Prenuptial agreements are one way to do just that. A Prenuptial agreement, sometimes called a prenup, is a contract that outlines what will happen in the case of a divorce. They usually focus on the division of property and assets, and often times outline any alimony or support settlements in the case of divorce.

The stipulations of a prenuptial agreement are unique to each couple. For example, some agreements have further clauses that change settlement amounts if adultery is the cause of the dissolution of the marriage. Prenups can also make arrangements in the event of one’s death rather than in the event of a divorce. Prenups stipulations will depend almost entirely on the couple in question and what they consider valuable as they enter into a marriage.

What are the Requirements for a Prenup?

In the United States a prenuptial agreement is considered valid, and it is recognized in every state, however, not all prenuptial agreements are enforced, and some have found ways to have prenups thrown out or invalidated in court. In order to be considered a valid contract it must meet the following requirements;

  • The prenuptial agreement must be written. Oral contracts are not enforceable.
  • Both parties must sign the contract voluntarily in front of counsel who can attest that both parties entered into the contract willingly.
  • Both parties must be completely informed of the others intentions and assets.
  • Both parties must sign the contract in front of a notary for it to be deemed valid.
  • The document must be signed prior to the issuing of the marriage license. ‘

Because of the requirements of the contract many agreements have been thrown out or deemed invalid when brought to court. Most commonly, people argue that the prenup was not entered into willingly, or that they were coerced to sign the agreement. Often times one party can also argue that they were not offered full disclosure by the other party at the time of the agreement, thus making it invalid.

When Do Couples Need Prenups?

Some will argue that a prenup is only intended for the very rich or very famous as they are the people who need to protect their assets from a divorce. Well, that’s not exactly the case. Some lawyers argue that every couple should have a prenup. Simply put, divorces are messy. Whether you are going through a divorce a year into the marriage of 15 years into the marriage, you should want to make the process as smooth as possible, and prenups do just that. Not to mention, just because you aren’t rich today, doesn’t mean you won’t be rich someday. Today’s waiter may turn into tomorrow’s best seller, today’s college dropout may turn into tomorrow’s technology tycoon. Fact of the matter is that you never know where you will be or how your marriage will pan out, so it is best to protect yourself at the onset and ensure if your marriage ends it can end amicably, or at least, with the least amount of hassle.

Divorce vs Separation

Divorce Vs SeparationThe pain of a marriage ending is one of the most difficult things most people will ever experience. It is a devastating life event that has the potential to ruin not only your relationships but leave you financially destitute. Divorce is one of the leading causes of depression and bankruptcy for good reason. It can quite literally rip your entire life in half and leave you to pick up the pieces.

Given how serious and irrevocable a step divorce is, you may be thinking about separation instead. Before making this decision, you must understand the differences between separation and divorce. The finality of divorce is well known, and at that time your legal relationship with your spouse will be fully dissolved. There may be some circumstances where this is not ideal. Many spouses have joint property or business ventures that would need to be sold and divided as community property, and that may be a financial move that would benefit neither partner.

A separation may be a good alternative to immediate dissolution of marriage if either or both parties have not given up on the chance of reconciliation. Many couples simply need to live apart for a time and outline a living arrangement that works for them both while disputes are resolved. Others may not be ready to sell and divide property. It may not be possible for you to yet envision what your life will be like without your spouse, and you may not know what you are going to do without them. A separation gives the opportunity to grow into mutual independence with less financial shock to the system.

The saying goes that marriages come and go, but divorce is forever. There is some truth to this. Even in the event of a reconciliation after a divorce that culminates in remarriage, this does not undo the divorce so much as enter into a completely distinct legal marriage agreement. It does not undo the financial and family turmoil that the original dissolution caused. If reconciliation is a possibility, even a remote one, a period of separation is something that you must consider.

On the other hand, if you are utterly convinced that divorce is the only option and your spouse feels the same, a separation may do more harm than good. Remaining financially and legally linked may cause further financial and legal damage as two spouses make financial decisions that are the best for them at the expense of their ex, running up debts and squandering assets. Actions such as this are among the leading causes of divorce anyway, and if this is the case a quicker dissolution may be called for.

California law requires a six month waiting period after you have served your spouse with a petition for divorce. This must be added to the time that it will take to prepare the documents, agree on financial agreements and parenting plans, and however long it may take for you to get a court date. With a lengthy separation added to this, the entire legal nightmare could drag on for years. An immediate filing for dissolution, and a commitment to competing negotiations on every point of dispute, can go a long way toward making your divorce go as quickly and smoothly as circumstances allow.

Divorce vs separation, whatever choice you make, remember that decision must take into account what is best for you and your children. Separation and divorce can be equally traumatic for children, but how difficult it has to be is still in your hands. Neither a separation nor a divorce is an easy step to take.

The Effects of Divorce on Young Children

effects of divorce on young children

Here at the Law Offices of Gerard A. Falzone, we speak with people every day that are worried how divorce will affect them, but also how it might change the life of their children. Most children find divorce to be sad, confusing and stressful. These issues are not unavoidable, but it is important to be aware of them to help prevent problems. Below are some of the effects of divorce on young children:

Poor social and math skills

According to a study carried out in 2011 by the University of Wisconsin-Madison, children from divorced families are likely to lag behind other children in social skills and math. They may also suffer from stress, poor self-esteem and anxiety. The children are also less likely to have good social skills like their peers from stable homes.

Increased chances of not finishing high school

According to a recent study, 78 percent of children from intact households finish high school by the time they are 20 years. On the other hand, only 60 percent of children who go through family changes (divorce, remarriage or death) graduate at around the same time. Younger children tend to be more affected during divorce periods. Also, the more changes children go through, the more difficult it becomes for them to finish school.

High risks of getting a stroke

There is a strong correlation between the risk of adults getting stroke and divorce. However, many adults with divorced parents are not prone to getting a stroke. The relationship can be as a result of being exposed to stress, which may change a person’s physiology. This effect was seen among children who experienced divorce in the 1950s, when divorce was not as common as it is today.

Susceptibility to sickness

Children living with divorced parents have a 35 percent risk of developing health difficulties compared to the 26 percent risk in all children. This is as a result of “very significant stress” because of the dramatic change in their lives. Divorce can also reduce a child’s accessibility of health insurance, which may result to loss of certain aspects that contribute to good health. This includes a safe environment and constant adult supervision. Health difficulty risks are higher than average during the first four years of divorce but can actually increase in the years that follow.

Indulging in drugs

Children from divorced families, compared to their peers in non-divorced families, are considerably likely to indulge themselves in drugs. Research shows that men whose parents divorced when they were kids have higher odds of 48 percent of smoking than those raised in intact families. Women have higher odds of 39 percent of smoking.

Greater chances of getting divorced

Children from divorced homes are more likely to go through divorce when they get married. Although they aspire for stable relationships, the children tend to get married as teenagers. Apart from this, they tend to marry people from divorced families. A research carried out by Wolfinger suggests that a couple with one spouse who grew up in a divorced home has double chances of getting a divorce. If both partners as children experienced divorce, they have triple chances of getting a divorce.

A child of any age may feel uncertain or get angry at the prospect of their parents separating. When going through a divorce, you should be there for your children to reassure them everything will be fine to help mitigate these effects of divorce on young children. You can help your kids cope with divorce by attending to all their needs with a reassuring attitude and providing them with a stable home.

Divorce vs. Annulment: What’s the Difference?

divorce vs annulment whats the difference

When seeking to end a legal marriage, couples have two options. For most, divorce seems like an obvious choice, but for many, seeking an annulment is an important decision. Annulments, unlike divorces, makes the marriage void completely, and no record of the marriage existing remains. After a divorce, a divorce decree is created, and the marriage is legally ended, but paperwork pertaining to it remains. For tax and census purposes those divorced must also file as “divorced”, those who seek and are granted an annulment are considered “single” or “unmarried”, once again.

Divorce

Divorce is the termination of a marriage between two people. In order for a divorce to be legal, a divorce decree must be granted by the court systems. The divorce process requires the filing of paperwork, as well as court dates to finalize the divorce. Additionally, in divorce proceedings issues pertaining to alimony, child support, visitation and the division of assets will be mediated by the court systems, unless both parties come to an agreement together.

The legal reasons for divorce vary by state, but generally, a couple wishing to divorce can pick from one of several legal reasons for divorce. The most commonly used reason is “irreconcilable difference”. Under this decree both parties agree that the marriage has broken down and can not be retrieved.

Annulment

Under law, an annulment means the marriage is considered invalid by the eyes of the law. The marriage is considered null and void. An annulment renders a divorce completely unnecessary, as the marriage, in the eyes of the law never happened. There are several reasons a person can seek an annulment, although, not all annulments are granted.

Under the law, one can seek an annulment if they were incapacitated by drugs and alcohol, and thus, unable to make a rational decision. This is a common reason for annulment and can be utilized when there is no “engagement” period. Generally, those seeking an annulment for these reasons, must do so quickly.

A couple can also seek an annulment if there was deception that led to the marriage. For example, if a couple discussed children and sex prior to marriage, and one party changes their mind on these issues, they can seek an annulment. Similarly, if one party omits important information, such as financial debt, religious beliefs, or a criminal record, an annulment may be granted, as the other party would not have entered into the marriage knowing these facts.

Procedures and Processes 

Both an annulment and a divorce have due processes and procedures that must be completed in order for the courts to establish a decree. While the processes can be different, they begin with the filing of all necessary paperwork, often the obtainment of a lawyer or attorney, and court hearings. During court hearings a judge will hear the case for an annulment and grant or deny it based on the facts of the case. If an annulment is denied, the parties involved can then seek a traditional divorce. During divorce proceedings, a judge will hear the case, and help mediate the separation of any property and assets, as well as help set up child support and visitation arrangements, if children are involved.

Tips For Coping With a Divorce

Coping with a divorce is almost as difficult as coping with life after death. Both involve grieving in order to process a loss. Losing someone that you were close to causes emotional pain and suffering, and we’ve all been through it in one form or another. 

Many people who get divorced are grateful that they are now unattached. Even so, there is still stress that must be dealt with. Stress cannot be ignored because it will rear its ugly head in one form or another. If you don’t feel the stress building up emotionally, you will either feel it physically or mentally. If you ignore this pain and stress and allow it to be repressed deeper in your mind, it isn’t going to get better, only worse.

coping with divorce

So, here are some tips to help you cope with a divorce: 

  1. Focus on Your Emotions – How do you feel? What’s going through your mind? Process these emotions so that you can be at peace.
  2. Get Counseling – Both individual and group counseling will be a much welcomed form of therapy. If you have no one to talk to, you won’t be able to fully process your emotions, and your stress will then increase. Check out this article: http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/life-after-divorce-3-survival-strategies
  3. Surrender – No one on earth has control over anything. Sure, we can go with the flow or we can attempt to make changes. However, remember to stay focused on the things you can control, and let go of everything else. (Hint: Read the Serenity Prayer).
  4. Don’t Lie to Yourself, it only makes things worse for you – Read this article:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jackie-pilossoph/coping-with-divorce-20-li_b_3619899.html.
  5. Have Fun – In order to get rid of stress, you have to take time and enjoy your life. Enjoy yourself by getting a massage, going to a club, or doing something fun that you love.
  6. Diet and Exercise – When dealing with overwhelming or stressful emotions, it’s important to take care of your body. Many people tend to ignore their physical needs. This can create even more stress and possibly sickness. Exercise releases endorphins into the blood stream. These are feel good chemicals that cut stress off at the pass.
  7. Don’t Make Big Decisions Right Now – Your mental capacities are overtaxed right after a divorce, so make sure not to make any decisions like buying a house or a car, or even getting re-married. Re-marriage may have been your primary reason for divorcing, but give it some time. You aren’t telling yourself ‘NO’, you are telling yourself ‘not right now’.
  8. Laugh – Laughter is truly the best medicine and it heals the soul. Watch comedies, or better yet, go to a comedy club. Keep a good sense of humor around friends and family, and show the world that you are an over comer!
  9. Re-Create Yourself – Get out and have fun. Find new hobbies, re-invent your life. You are not a ‘spouse’ any longer. You are single, so enjoy it while you can.
  10. Don’t Be Afraid to Start Over – Starting over again includes all of the above and more. Do something different, take a college course, write in a journal, or volunteer your time to something you love.

Take Action!

Once you do these things, you will find out who you really are apart from your ex. When you get married you base your identity on your life with your significant other. You are starting over again, so take advantage of this new beginning. It’s hard to take action in the midst of overwhelming emotions, but it’s the most therapeutic thing you can do for yourself.

Navigating a Difficult Divorce

Most people consider divorce as one of the most stressful times a person will ever experience. Psychology Today posits that dissolution of marriage is probably more stressful than even the death of a spouse, especially for people who don’t want to end a marriage or are financially dependent on a spouse. That stress can multiply and cause it’s own set of problems if the proceedings become exceptionally difficult, and many couples to find themselves navigating difficult journeys when they decide to end their marriage.

It’s important to remember during these difficult times that all things eventually come to an end and you can find ways to make a difficult divorce less stressful, traumatic and emotional.

Navigating a Difficult Divorce

Kids First
First, let’s talk about the kids. When a marriage involving children comes to an end, parents must take extra care to ease stress and anxiety their children may feel. Kids need to grieve the end of the marriage as well and may even wish you would choose to get back together.

Keeping a focus on the children can help you navigate your own difficulties because it takes the focus off of the arguments between you and your former spouse, putting it instead on the children. Take the time to listen to them, answer their questions and tell them the truth. This focus on the kids can help you put arguments into perspective and get through disagreements faster.

Count to Ten
Most of us know it’s better to think first, then speak. Thomas Jefferson famously said, “When angry, count to 10 before you speak. If very angry, a hundred.” It’s a maxim that holds more power than we realize because when we’re angry, we want to react out of anger. That’s not overly productive and can lead to more problems.

In a difficult divorce, you will get angry but how you respond to the anger, anger management essentially, can make the process easier or more difficult. Anger management experts also advise taking deep breaths between each number as you count to facilitate relaxation and being in the moment.

You can also mitigate anger by:

  • Taking a step back and responding later; there is hardly ever a need for immediate responses;
  • Practicing anger management in times of calm;
  • Avoiding situations that can trigger anger or make it worse;
  • And describing what made you angry in specific, rather than general, terms.

You may not be able to make the difficulty disappear, but you can control your response to it.

Seek Help
A difficult divorce may feel like it eats up all your time, and it will require more effort than an easy separation. Seeking help from a therapist with expertise in divorce can help you work through the difficult times, even though it feels like you can’t fit one more thing into your schedule or don’t want to spend one minute more thinking about it.

Mark Banschick, a psychiatrist and author of The Intelligent Divorce series, advocates therapy for spouses and children during what he terms “malignant divorces.” Therapists can help you clarify your goals, help children through this difficult time, and act as a sounding board.

Ending a marriage will cause stress in your life. There’s no getting around it. Difficult separations can make getting to the end feel especially stressful. You can navigate a difficult divorce, though, by keeping your focus on what’s important, managing your emotions and talking with a professional therapist.

Your Local Family Law Attorney Can Help

No matter which stage you’re at, if you know there needs to be a change in your marital situation, Family Law Attorney Gerard A. Falzone welcomes your call for help. From mediation to filing for divorce, he’s here to help with a no obligation free phone consultation.